The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Prayer Requests => Topic started by: 1911 Junkie on February 19, 2010, 04:22:07 PM
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It absolutely breaks my heart to ask this, but I need prayers for my family.
Apparently my wife and I are having some issues that need to be worked out. I ask nothing for myself, but rather prayers for my wife to find the correct path and prayers for my children who, thankfully, are too young to know what is going on. I want my children to grow up in a loving household, raised by both parents together.
Since I need to work on things here at home I won't be spending much time on the forum. I probably won't post much (big loss ;) ) but will check in occasionally, most likely weekend nights.
Any and all prayers will be greatly appreciated.
Brett
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Consider it done.
I'll add that I've been in your shoes, worked through the problems and we've been together now for 26 years. It's work but no one said life would be easy.
All the best Brett....good luck!
Tim
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Your family and you have them, Brett.
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Prayers and best wishes.
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best of luck to the both of you
every couple has problems I have found getting through them is what makes the relationship stronger
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No need to feel bad about asking for prayers for anyone including yourself...that is one of the reasons this thread and this great group of people are here! We understand when family hurts, we hurt also and when family laughs we laugh also.
God Bless,
Richard
PS: Please locate and read the book I recommended in another thread entitled "The Shack" by William Young.
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1911 Junkie, please accept my prayer, as I ask God to do as well, Your sit rep, is taxing, not knowing how things play from now on, but know you have support from us here, had it happen to me, and it was a life changer for a long time, How does a woman and a man live together, opposites for a given time, and still remain happy? In my instance, I had to decide, what is my relationship worth, and what am I willing to do to make it work, and that meant in my situation, who is wrong or right, and does it matter? Sometimes it might not matter, you and the other are not going to reconcile. If you can and still care, do it, if not then get a good lawyer, and be ready for the battle.
But, if you love her, still, after being confronted, get a mediator, and decide your differences, and see if you can come to terms.
My wife and I, did come to terms, and have been married for 29 years, she is now permanently disabled due to west nile virus, I could say I wish I had just let her leave many years ago, and I wish was in the past, but I have loved her all these years, now I am her keeper, and I don't regret it, although it is very hard.
No good answer Bro. But do take into consideration, your life with this woman, what is it worth to keep on with her, what are the objections to getting along? Infidelity, on either side of course is just cause, hard situations, like in my case, not so much, and we also take care of her 80 yr old parents that have more problems day to day, that I have come to grips with, I could be vain and leave, but will not, they have treated and loved me well these last 30 years, how can I not help them?
Not going to tell you what to do, just ask you to decide if the relationship, in your opinion is worth working for, it was in mine.
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Thank you all.
They say prayers are powerful and I think this is going to put that to the test.
God has a plan and I have to have faith in that he knows what he is doing.
No matter what, I will still have two wonderful, beautiful kids to fill my life with joy.
Thanks again,
Brett
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Brett, prayers are just a start, but you got them from me. I have been exactly where you are, and know how hard it is. It all seems so easy to be married, but it is certainly not, even to this day.
I pray for the best for you and your family. It takes actual work to stay married, and I hope and pray you both find a way to remain so. Please contact any of us if you ever need anything.
tw
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My best wishes and prayers to you and your family! I hope and pray that with God's help yawl will work through your troubles and that your relationship comes out stronger for them!! ;)
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My family to your family.
-Bidah
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Junkie -
Tough situation, man, and I feel for you. Back when I was not-so-young but still incredibly stupid, I failed even to address problems in the relationship and let things slide. My story did not end well, but based on what I now know, and am still learning, I will offer my prayers now that I know who is really in charge of my life.
Don't know if this will help or hurt, but there is a national simulcast next Sunday IIRC about marriages and how to make them work. If I were married, or engaged, I would be there. Hard to admit even my my (advanced) age that I don't have many answers, but I am willing to learn. So it may help you as well.
Both of you need to go slow, and work in mutual love and understanding - for your own sakes as well as the kids. The alternative is too easy to obtain these days, and too destructive on everyone. There is a reason that God hates divorce - it is that destructive.
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Junkie,
Do what needs to be done and what's best for you and your family. Prayers headed your way.
If you need to talk or just vent, send me a pm anytime and I'll give you my number.
Take care!
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Keep up the prayers guys, they are more appreciated than you could ever know.
The future is still uncertain but at least some good things are coming out of this. My fat ass has been keeping busy, getting rid of all this nervous energy by working out and cleaning the house. I think I've lost 10lbs already.
It has been a wake up call to take better care of myself so I can be there for my kids and hopefully my wife for a long time.
Or at least I'll be able to look good in a thong. ;D ;)
Thanks again,
Brett
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Keep up the prayers guys, they are more appreciated than you could ever know.
The future is still uncertain but at least some good things are coming out of this. My fat ass has been keeping busy, getting rid of all this nervous energy by working out and cleaning the house. I think I've lost 10lbs already.
It has been a wake up call to take better care of myself so I can be there for my kids and hopefully my wife for a long time.
Or at least I'll be able to look good in a thong. ;D ;)
Thanks again,
Brett
I already have my hands over my eyes....but for everything else, I'll keep praying. ;)
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Thanks again guys.
I put my faith in God at the outset that this would be resolved as he saw fit and I am accepting of that. He has given me the faith and knowledge to make the hardest decision of my life.
Things are worse than I ever imagined and Monday morning I am filing for divorce. She has agreed to give me full custody of the kids and the house so that I can sell it and buy one I can afford on a single income and make a new home for the kids. This is just a house now and doesn't even seem like a home anymore.
I am staying strong for the kids sake but everyday my heart breaks a little more. I would not wish this feeling on my worst enemy. The worst thing about this is the strain it is putting on the kids but they are young and will adapt. They ask questions that I can't answer and make me want to burst into tears, but I will persevere and continue to stay strong for them and know that they will still be well cared for.
Thanks for listening and keep up the prayers, I think I will need a lot more before this is over.
Brett
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I'm sorry to hear that Brett. :( Stay with God and you will get through! ;)
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Brett -
Sad news indeed. Stay strong in your faith in the Lord's blessings, now is the time ha-satan will come after you hard.
Our prayers are with you and your babies, as well as with your wife as she struggles in her path.
Path
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Keep your faith strong and it will see you through.
Continuing prayers.
Peg
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Brett,
You and your kids are in my thoughts. If you need anything send me a PM. I'm just a few miles away.
Brian
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Sad news anytime but sounds like you have a solid foundation of trust under you and an eye to the future. No one said it would be easy. It will get better!
God Bless,
Richard
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Junkie -
Because of life history these things are always very tough for me. Know that I am still here for your, and I understand more than you know that you need to do what you need to do. As long as you move forward with God it will work out.
As important as all of us are in God's eyes, you and your wife are secondary - Take care of those kids!
Still here for you.
Mike
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Sorry to hear that Junkie. You have your eye on the prize though so believe me it will get better. I went though this myself with HazJrs mom. Same thing I got custody, etc.
Living for, through your younguns will make it bearable and if I must say so I get a guilty pleasure out of all the great times I have with my son that my ex misses. ;)
Hang in dude and if ya wanta chew the fat with a 'been there, done that', give me a call anytime.
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Very sorry. If it has come to this point, with no other recourse, than as hard as it is, focus on your kids, and yourself. You will get through this, it will be a life changer. BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The kids, will understand if both of you stay unwavering in their support. FWIW, I get along with my ex better today. I know this will be of little value, but hang in there, it does get better.
Prayers will continue for you and your children. Please never hesitate to contact any of us.
Take Care,
tw
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Been through it Brett. We're here for you.
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Hang in there. I pray for you and your greatest treasure, your children.
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Your strength is from Him. He will never leave you or forsake you.
I will seek His will for you in my prayers and for a spiritual covering for your children and you in this time of trial.
This will pass in time, remembrance will always bring pain, but the prize and trophy will be in your children and your faith in God.
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Hang in there Brett..I have been through LOTS myself..
If I can tell you one thing.. be honest! Be honest with yourself and stay honest in a gentle positive way with your kids.. They aren't stupid no matter how young they are.. Let them know every day that you BOTH love them ... and try to give them the best answers that will sooth their little hearts and minds too. They need answers.. and sometimes the truth ..or as close to it as you can tell them.. does wonders to help you all bond and get through this.
Something else... No matter what happens with your ex.. don't ever say anything bad about her to your kids.. They will find out things on their own when they are old enough to understand.. and I can say this from experience.. you will be so glad you did not ever talk bad about her to them. (Sometimes its so hard to keep that tongue in check.. especially if it gets ugly) But you will shine in their eyes when they get older for not ever bad mouthing her.... You don't have to talk good about her.. but don't talk bad... She has her own lessons to learn so she has to do what she has to do.. and so do you.. and the best part about all of this is...that you lucked out.. You get your children...and there is nothing you can't handle if you have your kids with you.. (* I know* :) )
I also know you would like to curl up in a ball in a dark room and shut out the world right now..This will pass too...and those precious gifts from God are depending on you for love and comfort and security.. and in giving them that.. you will heal faster..I promise..
Take each day as it comes.. There will be good ones and not so good.. but remember... there is a plan.. Sometimes we are in each others lives for a short time for reasons we don't understand.. But there ARE reasons and lessons in each encounter with each other.. some big and some very small. .. Don't ever look at anything in your life as a negative.. There really are no negatives.. its all learning lessons..
The door and room that you have been preparing for.. couldn't be opened if you stayed where you were..and since you are being propelled toward new doorways.. be ready to open them to see whats on the other side when they are presented to you.
Please don't shut out any opportunity to explore new things ..alone and with your children.. I promise you that through this you will become stronger and grow in leaps and bounds in new lessons learned..
You WILL get through this.. you will be a bit battle worn and weary.. but in the years to come..you and your children will be the winners...
If you ever ever ever need to talk...I am but a phone call away...
620-249-2681... or text me and I will call you..
Like I said.. I have been there ..and personally dealt with lots of different areas of problems and experiences.. and walked a lot of miles in many moccasins.. so I do understand..
You have a lot of friends here.. Take advantage of us... If you want to vent....cry.. cuss.. laugh.. pray...whatever.. we are here to help you get through this..
...God and HIS angels will be there with you always.. watching.. protecting... Trust and believe in that..
Hugs to you and YOUR little angels
Teresa
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WOW, M'ette! AWSOME.
Richard
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Great advice M'ette, right on the money!
We are here for you Brett, take care!!
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Hey Brett... The Good Book tells us that God never gives us burdens greater than we can bear. But it doesn't say they won't feel like they are too heavy for us. Know this, my friend: You have a bunch of folk right here that will help you carry that load. And every day you make it through will make you a little stronger until that burden just doesn't feel so heavy anymore. It may not feel like that now, but I promise you, that day will come.
Many of us have shared similar tragedies in our lives--and the death of a marriage is certainly a tragedy. But by showing your strength to your kids, you will all emerge from this as stronger, better, more capable people. And your kids will have a great example of how to handle grief.
You are in my prayers.
Crusader
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Brett, hang in there, M'lette, showed you her true colors, and as Crusader said, God won't give us more than we can bear, but as Sister Teresa, ( not M"lette ) said, I wish he did not trust me so much. Now that things are on the path and there is nothing you can do to stop it, take a step back, make your plan, and go forward. My wife nearly died 5 yrs ago, now is still permanently disabled, for over 6 months, we had to grind her food, help her to the bathroom, and bathe her. Do physical therapy and help her through it. I still went to work, but took my lunches and afterwork at the hospital, used the spare time, to prepare the house for someone that needs a walker or wheel chair to get around, took her to her parents everyday in the am, and picked her up every night to go home.The point is attitude, once you know the worst, now you can prepare for it, it might be hard, but now you know there are no crutches, just doing, and we are here for the doing. You are not here, so me nor my wife can baby sit, but would if we could.
Be strong, and ( sounds weird ) Happy, you have the kiddo's, and your ex does not, think it backward, if your ex got the kids, then you would be thinking about them all the time, whether they were being treated right, now YOU know. Sorry you are going through it, but you have good times to come in spades.
God bless ( We can say that on DRTV ) TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US. ITS FREE.
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Things are really bad here but today I cried tears for a different reason. I received a card in the mail from Shooter32. Thank you so much, I really needed it.
My Wife told me I could have full custody of the kids and now she changed her mind. Her mom and dad got involved and pushing her for joint custody. Joint custody meaning that the kids will be at her convenience and she can come and go as she pleases. She wants all the perks of having the kids without the responsibility. All she cares about is Facebook and going out and pushes the kids off on her family when she has them. I can't bear the thought of having my kids be with anyone who really doesn't care. I have to know that my kids are cared for in the way they deserve. I don't want them bounced around several times a week. I really don't know what to do. I can fight for full custody but will not get it with the way the courts are set up. I will be a babysitter for her and give her the life she wants despite the affects on the kids. I also don't have family here to help me so I would have to use her or her family (if they would even do that for me) to watch the kids while I work.
I am really tempted to just leave. I'll take the kids every summer and alternating Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas. My parents live in Alabama and that would make it easier for me when I have them. I don't know if I'm being selfish or if this is something I will have to do for self preservation.
I pray to god everyday to give me the strength to deal with this and that he will give me guidance to do what is best for my kids. I love them so much and anything but the best is unacceptable to me. I have spent the last 10yrs devoted to my wife and the last 5yrs devoted to my wife and kids. Knowing I would have the kids is what has really kept me going.
I feel lost and that I am fighting a losing battle.
Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers (and keep them up),
Brett
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Brett - Hang in there for your own sake as well as the kids. You know their Mom, do not leave them with her. It is clear you love them, be there for them. It is tough, I know, but get your lawyer to play serious hardball with her.
FWIW, around here and in Illinois, joint custody means you share expenses. Residential custody means one of you only gets them every other weekend only, and maybe a Wednesday night in between. That's it. Make it her that gets them so infrequently.
Good luck my brother, and keep your strength.
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Brett,
I can give you the magic answer or take the pain and struggles away. All I can tell you is that as hard as it is you need to fight the good fight for the good of the children. If she is willing and capable of being a good mother, she should have a chance, but if she is playing the typical "want control over your life" and finances from you just so she can leave them with her folks and party she doesn't deserve them.
Keep your focus on what is best for all, and fight that fight for their well being.
Take care of yourself while you are at it!
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After some praying and soul searching I think I have found my answer.
Yes, my wife wants to be controlling. She wants to dictate where I live, what I do and how I do it. She is capable of being a good mother but until she gets herself straightened out, she is not willing.
I like my life here. I have a lot of friends, a good job I've had for 10yrs, get 4 weeks vacation and have 400hrs sick time. I really don't want to start over again.
I need my kids as much as they need me. If they are going to have a chance I need to be in their lives as much as possible.
I do have to sell the house but I want to stay in the same school district. I like it. It isn't where she wants me to be but I think I can win that fight. The kids christian school is close by and I really like it also. They only go to 8th grade but finances permitting I would want them to go there as long as possible.
I feel like the Lord has breathed some new life into me.
Thanks for listening,
Brett
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Hey Brett hang in there, we're with you! I implore you to fight for your kids if you have the means to do it! I don't care what you think the courts are like but if you don't try you won't know for sure. I'll tell you a short story. My younger brother divorced his wife in 02', they had 3 kids together. She was and still is a bit of a nut, but she managed to convince my brother to split the children up. My brother got the oldest boy, she got the two younger kids. Immediately after the divorce was final she moved over 1200miles away. After some problems occurred with the kids and her new live-in boyfriend, my brother finally decided to fight for the kids. After a 3 year custody battle in court the result was nothing! The judges final decision was the original decree would stand. The Judge said he couldn't prove imminent danger to the kids so like it or not he was stuck to what he originally agreed to. When I asked him why he didn't fight for them in the first place? He told me it was because he was afraid of loosing all of them in court and one was better than none. Hind site being 20/20 he was very wrong! If he would have fought her for custody, he probably would have won. I also have three coworkers who have won full custody of their kids, so I know we men folk can prevail in today's court system. And I think her family would be willing to pitch if you have custody, because they would probably like to see them! In most states Grand parents don't have any rights to your kids. So it's up to the parents if they want to allow them visitation. Your state could be different but I doubt it. Regardless of what you decide, know that you and you kids are in our thoughts and prayers!
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Brett, not fun where kids are concerned! Continued thoughts and prayers go with you.
God Bless,
Richard
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Brett,
Just a thought.
Her mom and dad likely got involved because they worried about losing their grand kids.
Perhaps you can work with them. Let them know you hope they will be involved with the kids and hope you will be able to count on them for help and assistance where the kids are involved.
If they love your kids, you don't want to lose them, both for your kids sake and for the support you will need.
Let them know that what differences you and their daughter have, you intend to not let it interfere with their relationship with their grand kids.
Your wife might also be trying for joint custody so that she is not financially responsible for paying you child support (if it works that way in your state). Perhaps letting her know you will not be petitioning for support (if indeed you will not) might make her feel it will be easier for you to have custody. This with the support and trust of her parents might influence things.
Take care.
Vince
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Very wise Solus...very wise.
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Brett,
Just a thought.
Her mom and dad likely got involved because they worried about losing their grand kids.
Perhaps you can work with them. Let them know you hope they will be involved with the kids and hope you will be able to count on them for help and assistance where the kids are involved.
If they love your kids, you don't want to lose them, both for your kids sake and for the support you will need.
Let them know that what differences you and their daughter have, you intend to not let it interfere with their relationship with their grand kids.
Your wife might also be trying for joint custody so that she is not financially responsible for paying you child support (if it works that way in your state). Perhaps letting her know you will not be petitioning for support (if indeed you will not) might make her feel it will be easier for you to have custody. This with the support and trust of her parents might influence things.
Take care.
Vince
+1
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The anger mindset is the initial stage, and can make hard times worse if you let them. Tragically, it can outweigh what the children want. In NC & FL, there is an age of accountability that can vary but its around 12-13 years old.
The kids can have a say, regardless. A good lawyer may recommend an arbitration meeting regarding custody. It is very tough, and lawyers can turn it into an even tougher thing. But if your kids are old enough, and want to be with you as a primary custodial parent, they may have to tell it to a judge.
I had to sit at a huge table, at age 13, and tell a judge I would rather stay with my mother. The whole time my Father was just staring at me, something I'll never forget. However, he traveled 200+ days a year at the time, and I wouldn't have seen him anyway. He had a big ego and just wanted to "send a message" to my mother... It all becomes water under the bridge.
Things can be better if you remain solution oriented, a cool cucumber, and find a way.
Never let anger guide you. It sounds like your much more level headed. Fight the good fight, advocate for your kids wishes, and never let her make them a pawn.
Your in our prayers Brett. Please never hesitate to contact any of us at any time.
Tom W.
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Very wise Solus...very wise.
+1
Your in our prayers Brett. Please never hesitate to contact any of us at any time.
Absolutely, anytime!!
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Thanks for the messages guys.
I think there might have been a breakthrough last night. I spent 2 hours on the phone with my wife talking about the future and our kids future. I'm even going out to dinner with her tonight to talk some more. She seems to be leveling out a bit and is willing to work with me for what is truely best for them.
They are our kids and the last thing I want is some judge or court deciding what they think is best.
If things continue like this I see a good outcome for them and us.
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Great news and good work.
Sounds like your positively focused on what is best for your kids and realize that that is also what will be best for you.
Hang in there and take care.
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Hope you both can work out the best outcome for your children. They matter the most.
All the best.
Tom W.
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Good news, Brett, and +1 gazillion for your comment on working things out without the court's meddling. Good man!
Hang in there, be cool, and love the heck out of your kids - while still being their parent.
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Excellent... You are keeping a cool head ..and being smart....
Its easier to keep her on your side through all of this..
as soon as you have both decided on something that is agreeable to you... HURRY and get papers drawn up and both signatures notarized and on those legal documents
Don't drag it out.. The longer things go the bigger chance that she changes her mind..
Gets pissed about something you have done or said.. or her girlfriends talk to her or this or that ..
Just get it done fast.
I got what is called medical emergency divorces every time. If you can go to a doctor..and say because of the stress of the divorce etc.. it is effecting your job performance.. health...and your life in general.. they can sign a medical paper for you that can be taken to the court and your divorce will be finalized in 3-5 days.. over and done and then it doesn't have time to fester and everyone get their 2 cents in it.. and things go to shit even more than they do normally.
( Just an option for you to consider) :-\
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I haven't forgotten to keep you in mind and say a prayer for you and your family. I hope things are going well.
Ken