The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: santahog on December 05, 2011, 08:23:55 PM
-
Told every few years.. I thought it would be good for a smile..
Joe
This is just too funny!
This could only be true; you simply can't make this stuff up!
Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit..no flies, no smell... "What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen...
"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..."
But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue...."
She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the squished and bloody feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover it with more tissue paper.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.
They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to K&W Cafeteria.
They went through the serving line and sat down at a window table. They had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk.
BUT not for long! - As they ate, they noticed a big woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car... She looked quickly this way and that, and then took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.
It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.
Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized the big woman in the red gingham shirt with the Kohl's bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold:
After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.
After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.
Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.
A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes, the big woman with the red gingham shirt emerged, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney.
Two well-trained EMT volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors................the Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!!
God does take care of those who do bad things! AND once in a while...He allows us to witness!
-
;D That really made my night
-
Cat burglar. :)
-
Nothing like a good belly laugh right before bed.
That story will be told a couple of time tomorrow- I guarentee!
;D
-
Ahhh...the sleazy side of human nature.
I read a story about a family that moved a house along a major 2 lane road but in a rural setting.
There was no trash collection and they would have to pay for trash pick up or haul it in to someplace for disposal.
In thinking of their options the man of the house decided to try something.
He wrapped the weeks garbage in boxes with "present" wrapping paper and placed them out at the road next to their mailbox post.
Within half an hour he witnessed a car stop, someone get out, grab the packages, get back in the car and speed away.
He has used that as his trash disposal method ever since and has had no packages returned.
-
My Ex- father in law used to have an El Camino, (Ca ) Claimed that during a garbage strike he left "presents" in the back and they went away.
How ever he also claimed he won the Vietnam war single handed, but the documentation did not bear him out.
-
My Ex- father in law used to have an El Camino, (Ca ) Claimed that during a garbage strike he left "presents" in the back and they went away.
How ever he also claimed he won the Vietnam war single handed, but the documentation did not bear him out.
So it runs in the family? ;D
FQ13
-
So it runs in the family? ;D
FQ13
Tom has an El Camino?
-
I've found stuff I leave out front with a "free" sign on it takes forever to go away, but when it has a "for sale" sign on it, it gets taken away real fast.
-
So it runs in the family? ;D
FQ13
RMTSY
Everything I post I can verify.
-
RMTSY? I'm not hip to your jive lingo. What does that mean?
FQ13 who is already sorry he asked ;D
-
Remind Me To Shoot You!
-
I knew I'd regret asking. ;)
FQ13
-
Remind me to slap you.
But "shoot" works too.
-
Remind me to slap you.
But "shoot" works too.
You need to be reminded? Must be getting old. Or the list is long, very long. ;)
-
You need to be reminded? Must be getting old. Or the list is long, very long. ;)
So many Aholes, and ammo is so expensive :-[
;D