The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: santahog on November 08, 2012, 07:23:45 AM
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I guess some things really do never change.. ::)
http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/08/army-times-military-working-dogs-smarter-than-junior-officers/?fb_ref=wp
Army Times: Military Working Dogs Smarter than Junior Officers
by Ron on August 27, 2012 · 22 comments
Military Working DogsNew York, NY - Military Working Dogs are more intelligent than second and first lieutenants, according to an article to be published next week in Army Times.
The article, titled “Who’s Got the Smarts?” examines groups of soldiers from different ranks, military occupation specialties, and career branches, and then orders them by intelligence.
“We factored in several things,” said Times managing editor Richard Brown, “such as test scores, writing samples, and difficulty of day-to-day tasks. Then we took the data and assigned each group a composite intelligence score.”
According to the Times, the top three smartest groups in the Army are brain surgeons, CBRN officers, and JAG Corps attorneys.
The bottom three? First lieutenants, followed closely by second lieutenants, and then military working dogs.
Pentagon sources have confirmed that in light of the article’s findings, Army brass has approved a policy to award Military Working Dogs the rank of Captain upon completion of basic dog training.
A 2009 study found that the average dog has the cognitive ability of a two-year-old child, which Brown says is perfectly in line with his publication’s rankings.
“A dog can perform basic arithmetic and can count to four or five,” Brown said. “They read body language, have an innate sense of basic fairness, and find their way through the woods. I challenge you to show me a first or second lieutenant who can do any of that.”
“To be fair,” Brown countered, “the LTs did display the ability to shit in a toilet and hold their bowel movements until an appropriate time, giving them a slightly higher ranking in that category than the MWDs that haven’t been housebroken yet.”
Not everyone agrees with the findings.
“I have no doubt that every single K-9 in my unit is smarter than a PFC,” said Army Sgt. Tyrell Wiggins, a dog handler from the 503d Military Police Battalion at Ft. Bragg. “I mean, Sparky here can sniff out bombs and can follow basic commands. I’d like to see a PFC do either of those things. And sure, he sometimes eats other dogs’ shit, but you wouldn’t ever catch him buying a 2003 Mustang for $24,000 and 14% financing.”
Brown said it’s unfair, however, to look at one factor alone when determining intelligence. PFCs may indeed act like knuckleheads, but unlike junior officers, they aren’t innately dumb. They can eventually grow and mature, while junior officers must remain forever clueless.
“The data we have suggests that lieutenants are a special kind of stupid,” Brown said.
Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/08/army-times-military-working-dogs-smarter-than-junior-officers/?fb_ref=wp#ixzz2BdYu0JnF
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“To be fair,” Brown countered, “the LTs did display the ability to shit in a toilet and hold their bowel movements until an appropriate time, giving them a slightly higher ranking in that category than the MWDs that haven’t been housebroken yet.”
ROFLMAO
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I SO needed that today.
[rant]
20 years of avionics and special projects background but I can't get hired doing the job I've been DOING for 6 years because I don't have degree, while the company that won the contract for my job expects to be able to do this with a recent college grad with no experience.
[/rant]
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I used to say that the most dangerous thing in the Army was a 2LT with a map. ;D
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If it weren't for M1 pencils, there would have been no 1 or 2LT's in my army. God only knows where them shots went. It took until they made Capt when they realized that it was the dog soldier in the pits that saved their careers. Oh, just loved them Maggie's drawers back then!
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Butter bars are worse than privates, because they can be stupid and get away with it.
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Dog doesn't even need a map!
Richard
PS: Solus, I might qualify a firearm of any type or sharp pointy object including a pencil and crayon right up there with a map!!! JMHOFWIW
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Dog doesn't even need a map!
Richard
PS: Solus, I might qualify a firearm of any type or sharp pointy object including a pencil and crayon right up there with a map!!! JMHOFWIW
In the really bad specimens, I'd say you are right.
Without a map the LT won't have a clue what to do and will follow any enlisted man who looks like he knows were he is going. Give him a map to study and he'll decide he has to lead the way to someplace on it.
I guess anything might work the same way.
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On a related note, my new boss is medically discharged airborne, Iraq and Afghanistan vet. Captain, company commander and all that.
He's in over his head, but doesn't know it. Like any senior enlisted with a junior officer, I never ask him what to do. I tell him what I'm doing. So far he's good with it. Give him a map? The dumbass jumped out of perfectly good airplanes! Need I say more?
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Most of the time we were pushed because the aircraft is worth more than the troops inside. The Air force guys do not like AA rounds and an airplane discharging troops is a high value target. I still have an outline of a size 11 on my arse cheek.
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I guess it's the same in all branches. We had a fresh ensign assigned as gunnery officer. Within his first 72-hours, he put a round through his duty station. Was immediately sent to gunnery safety school.
Same ensign came back and was assigned as JOOD while we were leaving San Francisco. Ship needed to make a 2 degree course correction to starboard (that's to the right for all you lubbers).
Ensign ordered the helmsman to, "Come left to course..."
That is a 358-degree course change.
Captain realized immediately what was happening and took corrective action.
Ensign was relieved as JOOD and confined to quarters until we reached Hawaii.
And so it goes.
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We had a know it all Battery Commander, a Capt., who, on a FIREEX at Camp Edwards Ma. shut down the highway to Cape Cod by getting his target information 180 degrees wrong.
Fortunately the batteries rounds landed in the median strip and no one was injured, but he was a civilian by sundown.
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I was fortunate to have served with the most dedicated and skilled enlisted men in the USAF... Morse operators, Mandarin, Korean, Vietnamese, and Thai linguists and fellow radio traffic analysts.... I was in a rather obscure Air Force command (USAF Security Service) that was "run" by the senior NCO's...I enlisted with 4 years of college, but was short 5 hours of Russian language for my BA...my second duty station was the day shop (we had time to do more in depth analysis) at Clark AFB, Philippines, I had a couple of first term Chinese Mandarin linguists working with me..both were E4 (Sgt in the AF)... one had a master's degree in history, the other two years of law school..
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I was walking behind a couple of old Chiefs at my first duty station when we were met by a butter bar. Both Chiefs saluted left handed. The butter bar returned the salutes, stopped, and looked after the Chiefs with a real puzzled look. Of course when I passed him I gave him a leftie as well just to cover for the Chiefs.
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I had a C.O. (Captain) that, during some trip to a gunnery range, was standing outside the tank, presumably "supervising" something. He pushed the brim of his helmet up with the dirty end of his sidearm and it "went off". The round followed the inside of the helmet, over the top of his head and hit the dirt behind him... (He was from West Point..)
I was protected by the Non-Comms one time when I got caught doing a girl I picked up at a bar in the day room, in the floor, behind the last row of those orange-wooden chairs that they used back then. (Maybe still do. I don't know..) I got caught by the SDNCO on duty that Saturday night. (Save that story for later.. :P)
I was a cook in an Armor Battalion HQ Co. That Monday, a guy messed up my grill, making it impossible to cook an egg without breaking the yolk. I apologized to the guys standing in front of me. One of them said that "I heard you had a rough weekend" and a line of 50 guys that ran all the way our the door started giggling.. My C.O. (same guy) was the only one of about 500 guys who didn't find out.. (He would have busted me..)
Yup..