The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: k39noodles on August 19, 2008, 12:10:12 PM
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Number three was predictably funny, but the winner just put me away. "WHAT - and give up show biz?" Enjoy.
Later,
Bill (k39noodles)
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It would have helped if I had added the attachment!
The competition appears to get tougher and tougher each year. No wonder evangelicals don't believe in evolution.
Scroll and roll-- out of your chair.
In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival.
So, without further adieu, here are the 2008 Darwin awards:
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a 20 quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by t wo nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
THEY WALK AMONG US....
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
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On what planet could ANY of those things be considered a GOOD idea?!?
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Sorry! The "Runner Up" does not qualify. The rules are very specific, only those who have given the ultimate sacrifice are eligible. The runner up still lives to pollute the pool.
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Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
My favourite: at least he was the one with the balls ;D
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
This is CRAP! :o
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Actually, it appears that it is crap.
http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp (http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp)
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I had a close call an obviously less than fatal experience similar to #8.
We were living in Madison (WI) and saw some a mother duck quacking at street drain. We stopped and found that there were baby ducks that had gone down the drain. Drain was such that I could reach in but didn't have the arm span to reach her babies. Another passer by stopped and he and my wife held my legs while I reached in to rescue the baby ducks.
Was a moment that I thought "what if" they drop me?
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Actually, there are two criteria for the Darwin awards (or there would be if I ruled the world):
1. You must die
2. You must not have procreated.
I have issues with pure Darwinian evolution, especially when applied to social rather than physical, but these two facts are inescapable. If you had procreated, you cannot be eligible to with the DA.
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Third Place has to be bumped higher. The walking "around" the Police Car to enter the store, fulfills the Rule of Darwin!
The Dodo Bird didn't hang around cause it was intelligent either....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExNWGMQXzlU
Jaybethel! You have the forum's permission to take your new fangled "super duper tweaked SR9! and end the suffering for this poor miscreant.
Go Darwin! ;)
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Numbers 3 and 5 definitely got what they deserved. And 3 should definitely be the number one! I mean come on. Stepping around a MARKED POLICE CAR, to rob a GUN STORE. Seriously, that one should be Darwin Award number one for a LONG LONG Time.
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Somebody checked it out on Snopes, number three IS TRUE but the number of rounds is exaggerated, Actually the robber was only shot by the store owner and the cop. ;D
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Third place - H&J Leather & Firearms happened on Feb 03 1990 NOT 2008
http://www.snopes.com/crime/dumdum/gunshop.asp
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
NOT 23 gun shot wounds 4 - 3 in the chest 1 in the arm
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Actually, it appears that it is crap.
http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp (http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp)
10 year old crap at that. Almost every Darwin Awards list I've ever seen is fake. People make up crap and email it and the next thing you know 2 billion people have read it. This is exactly why I subscribe to the weekly Snopes newsletter. I wish my uncle would too so I could quit correcting him several times a week.
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Here's a link to the actual Darwin Awards sight.
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/ (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/)
Some truly amazing in-duh-viduals there.
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Most were drinkin', not thinkin'.
The guy robbing the gun store was just doing himself in in a public way.
I wonder how they figure some of these out?
Mac.
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10 year old crap at that. Almost every Darwin Awards list I've ever seen is fake. People make up crap and email and the next thing you know 2 billion people have read it. This is exactly why I subscribe to the weekly Snopes newsletter. I wish my uncle would too so I could quit correcting him several times a week.
I actually don't get sent any from most of my friends cuz I have corrected them so often, like some poor girl needing surgery who will get it for free if she can come up with 1,000,000 emails. Amazing what people will believe, but then b-ho has a rather large following these days, no?
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Everyone needs something to believe in!
I believe I'll make some Hazaritas!
Mac.
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Everyone needs something to believe in!
I believe I'll make some Hazaritas!
Mac.
You know, I still need to get the recipe from Haz. If it's not too toxic, it can't be any worse than things I've already tried.
Frank