The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: k39noodles on August 19, 2008, 09:32:34 PM
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I get about two of these a year, and each one is funnier than the last. The thing I like most about us as Americans is our potential for making fun of ourselves. I wish that were in place all the time. Maybe politics and politicians have taken something valuable away from us as brothers and sisters.
Later,
Bill (k39noodles)
30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
09. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
08. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
07. Checkmate.
06. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
05. Hey, here's an episode of 'Hee Haw' that we
haven't seen.
04. I don't have a favorite college team.
03. You Guys.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A RED NECK SAY:
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!
_
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As a tried and true resident of the South, I never heard;" Is that gun to big? "
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkM2Se3tqaU
Plus its a great "Good 'ol Boy Song" wherever you are. 8)
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Now thats funny right there
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The Pentagon announced today the formation an elite fighting group called the US Redneck Special Forces (U.S.R.S.F.)
Bubba, Hoss, Cooter, Boo, and Elbow, will be dropped behind enemy lines with the following information about insurgents:
1. The Season opened last weekend
2. There is no limit.
3 They taste like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, country music, pickups, or Jesus Christ.
5. Some is queer.
6. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
Should be over in a week or so,.... ;D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBocef6iQps&feature=related
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That's right....that's right.....that's my people.......we are the backbone of the country....no doubt... ;D ;D ;D
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I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Them there's fightin' words 'round here. Only them San Fran-sissy-co "boys" drink that pig swill! :D
P.S.
Go UK (that's University of Kentucky, for anyone who may misunderstand, not United Kingdom) ... and pass the biscuits 'n gravy! ;D
Swoop
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The only thing better than biscuits and gravy is bikinis and girls.
No, wait, it's the other way around.
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31. Please pass the quiche
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32. Woops, I forgot to brush my teeth!
Richard
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#33 my gun's not loaded. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;DHOT DAMN.
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#34. Hey, I only got one magazine full of ammo.
#35. I don't eat fried food.
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# 36. Have you read the new issue of New Yorker?
# 37. Do these overalls make my a$$ look fat?
# 38. Who is Bill Dance?
I just love perpetuating a stereotype. ;D
Swoop
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#39 That sure is a nice Armani Suit you have.
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#40. Primer and Bondo are not car colors.
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41. Oh I just couldn't, she's my cousin.
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41. Oh I just couldn't, she's my cousin.
Heck, even FDR couldn't say that, and Elanor was NO Daisy Duke. ;D
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#42 You can have my BUD .
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You know it had to have been a redneck that invented the 'toothbrush'.
Anyone else would have named it a 'teethbrush'.
;D
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43. Pardon me, Sir. Do you have any Grey Poupon?
44. We'll be having Champagne with the caviar and pate`.
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45. All of my money is invested in Microsoft.
46. I have no need for a pickup truck.
47. Honey, does this tie go with this suit?
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46. I have no need for a pickup truck.
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!
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First thing out of a redneck's or roughneck's mouth when wearing a tie ,YES YOUR HONOR.
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48. No Shirt
No Shoes
No Service
49. We don't believe in shotgun weddings.
50. I have to get this back to the library. :)
51. We don't allow dogs under the porch.
52. We don't even own a dog. Cats are better.
53. Hooter's is too low-class for me.
54. I'm stuffed. Can you finish this?
55. You better sort that out for recycling.
56. You can't wear a white T-shirt in the water-park.
57. Scotch is better than Bourbon.
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58- I'm voting for obama
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58- I'm voting for obama
;D Nice,....
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58- I'm voting for obama
Makes me proud to be a Kentuckian! 8) We aren't all rednecks, however, in this context, I am more than happy to display the pinkish tint of my own neck. ;D
Swoop