The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: Big Frank on December 21, 2008, 10:04:27 PM
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This may belong in the politics section instead. ;) - Frank
BREAD IS DANGEROUS
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as
typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of
eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as
little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average
American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of
cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items
such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than
90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being
taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey
bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That
kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the
following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots
and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills
we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
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Better forward this to B-Ho, Jumbo. He can decree by executive order "Loaf Locks" on all packages of bread sold after 1 January 2010 along with federal registration.
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YES...We'll all need a 'lock box' for a bread box soon. ;)
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:D :D :D LOL
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Better forward this to B-Ho, Jumbo. He can decree by executive order "Loaf Locks" on all packages of bread sold after 1 January 2010 along with federal registration.
I imagine there will be a hi-carb bread ban, a new $200 Tax Stamp to the FDA for a sub roll, and a new program where owners can turn in their loaves for gift cards. ;D
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And don't forget the '10 slice per loaf limit'. ;D
If the bread gets burned, will it be an 'Evil Black Loaf"?
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BATF = Bread, Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms
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When bread is outlawed only outlaws will have sandwiches!!
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When bread is outlawed only outlaws will have sandwiches!!
Put me on the FBI's top ten list! It takes a lot of bread to maintain this fine physic ;)
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Put me on the FBI's top ten list! It takes a lot of bread to maintain this fine physic ;)
Welcome to MY world!!
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BATF = Bread, Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms
Sounds like a nice convience store ;D
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I think there should be a 6 month waiting and cooling off period before one actually receives their bread.
And we need to close the local bakery loophole, post haste.
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I think there should be a 6 month waiting and cooling off period before one actually receives their bread.
And we need to close the local bakery charity bake sale loophole, post haste.
There, I fixed it for ya. ;D
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Bread trucks will have to be armor plated now (Wells-Fargo Bread Co.?). ;)
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BATF = Bread, Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms
BATF = Bread, Alcohol, Tobacco, Funstoppers
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I can't even add anything to this thread. I am grinning to loud.. (http://superemoticons.com/emoticons/grinning/011-%5BGrinning%5D-%5BSuperEmoticons.com%5D.gif)
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The 12 facts in the OP are probably true, like #2 - Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests. Yeah, and half score above average. It just shows how statistics can be manipulated to look like it proves something, the way the anti-gunners do. Figures don't lie, but liars figure out how to do it anyway.
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The 12 facts in the OP are probably true, like #2 - Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests. Yeah, and half score above average. It just shows how statistics can be manipulated to look like it proves something, the way the anti-gunners do. Figures don't lie, but liars figure out how to do it anyway.
90% of statistics are made up on the spot. ;D ;D ;D
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90% of statistics are made up on the spot. ;D ;D ;D
And you can prove that 61.546% of the time.
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And you can prove that 61.546% of the time.
But only to 50% of the people. ;D
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But only to 50% of the people. ;D
Half of the time.
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You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time.
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Frank, your new avatar seems to be 'stuck'. ;)
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Frank, your new avatar seems to be 'stuck'. ;)
What can I say? I'm a headbanger.
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What can I say? I'm a headbanger.
You do seem to be having a ball.
;D