The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: Fatman on December 30, 2008, 06:18:19 PM
-
This is an old site but it is worth posting for those that may have missed this gem.
"Redneck Neighbor"
Page last edited on April 11, 2002
In case you're wondering, this Web page is about my next-door neighbors. Since my neighbors have been driving me crazy and no amount of civilized reasoning and/or negotiations have worked - I have decided to dedicate a small corner of cyber-space to them.
My family and friends are constantly asking me to tell them the "latest" thing my neighbor has done so this page will save me from repeating myself. Besides, I thought it would be fun. Everything you read here is entirely true, that's what makes it so funny. Enjoy!
See the web page for the adventure complete with pictures. Don't drink anything while reading. You've been warned! ;D
http://www.joespc.com/carlos/redneck.htm (http://www.joespc.com/carlos/redneck.htm)
Edit: This is not my web page, but thanks for the empathy, Raygun.
-
I feel for you. Since about 5 months ago, I am awakened by the crowing of a rooster in my urban neighborhood. I suspect they are being raised for other than eggs. Can you say "cock fight"?
From the physical evidence, I think my dogs were kidnapped and used for dog fighting. When I found their bodies, they were all scarred up, but they were left lying, posed as if sleeping, on the side of the road at the entrance of my street. One had been strangled. I figure they must have taken out a few pit bulls before they tired, and were laid out in respect. They were 1 week shy of 1 year old, even though about 200 pounds apiece. The Cane Corso breed takes two years to mature. Another few more months and they could have taken any pit bull, probably would have taken out the dognappers, too. I still miss my girls.
Like I said, I don't live in the best of neighborhoods.
-
I feel for you. Since about 5 months ago, I am awakened by the crowing of a rooster in my urban neighborhood. I suspect they are being raised for other than eggs. Can you say "cock fight"?
From the physical evidence, I think my dogs were kidnapped and used for dog fighting.
Like I said, I don't live in the best of neighborhoods.
I would take this as a sign that it is time to move...
-
I feel for you. Since about 5 months ago, I am awakened by the crowing of a rooster in my urban neighborhood. I suspect they are being raised for other than eggs. Can you say "cock fight"?
From the physical evidence, I think my dogs were kidnapped and used for dog fighting. When I found their bodies, they were all scarred up, but they were left lying, posed as if sleeping, on the side of the road at the entrance of my street. One had been strangled. I figure they must have taken out a few pit bulls before they tired, and were laid out in respect. They were 1 week shy of 1 year old, even though about 200 pounds apiece. The Cane Corso breed takes two years to mature. Another few more months and they could have taken any pit bull, probably would have taken out the dognappers, too. I still miss my girls.
Like I said, I don't live in the best of neighborhoods.
Call the cops?
-
If it's anything like my neighborhood it takes the cops a couple days to show up for an attemped murder. Anything less than that... don't count on them showing up at all. If they do show up they give me all kinds of attitude, like all the assaults on me are a big inconvenience to them. And in my case a lot of off-duty cops work as private security in a nearby neighborhood full of mansions. After they're done moonlighting for the mayor and other rich businessmen, they're too tired and/or lazy to do their regular job. 1 mile makes all the difference in the world here. I'm one of the have-nots. I have redneck neighbors too.
-
I take offense at the 'redneck' stereotyping here.
Ther ARE dumb ass hicks al la "Beverly Hillbillies" BUT, "Rednecks" are good, honest, hard working, every day folks!
-
There's a redneck I used to work with who's initials are JD. He's even more of a slob than JD8 but if I told you all the nasty details you would lose your lunch. He's the only person I know of to be told by management and the union to go home, take a shower, and change his clothes. Another giuy went over his house to fix his computer and there was a knife covered with peanut butter lying in the middle of the stairway. A couple weeks later when he went to fix the computer again the knife was still lying there on the stairway and still covered with peanut butter. FYI, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches don't fit in a computer disk drive but his kids managed to get one in the VCR. ;D
Is JD8s Jesus statue throwing gang signs or what? ???
-
I feel for you. Since about 5 months ago, I am awakened by the crowing of a rooster in my urban neighborhood. I suspect they are being raised for other than eggs. Can you say "cock fight"?
From the physical evidence, I think my dogs were kidnapped and used for dog fighting. When I found their bodies, they were all scarred up, but they were left lying, posed as if sleeping, on the side of the road at the entrance of my street. One had been strangled. I figure they must have taken out a few pit bulls before they tired, and were laid out in respect. They were 1 week shy of 1 year old, even though about 200 pounds apiece. The Cane Corso breed takes two years to mature. Another few more months and they could have taken any pit bull, probably would have taken out the dognappers, too. I still miss my girls.
Like I said, I don't live in the best of neighborhoods.
Raygun, that seriously sucks. I have 2 females - an Aussie and an OES, and I know I would move heaven and earth if they disappeared. And I would move it armed. If that kind of crap is going on in your neighborhood, then the cops are lazy, corrupt or seriously disinterested in doing their jobs. Dog fighting ain't just about the dogs, the people who engage in this "sport" are serious sickos who are engaged in, or complicit, in other illegal and reprehensible things.
-
I take offense at the 'redneck' stereotyping here.
Ther ARE dumb ass hicks al la "Beverly Hillbillies" BUT, "Rednecks" are good, honest, hard working, every day folks!
I'm with Haz. Thugs, liars and other associated human debris aren't rednecks...they are criminals and leaches. When someone sees a guy with a gun he's a dumb redneck...never mind he may be some hotshot corporate executive on vacation....and when that monniker is used in that setting it's used to disparage all gun owners by lumping them with the human debris. Or to disparage other things that liberals and elitist don't like or feel uncomfortable with.
One of the predominant things associated with rednecks is guns....all that other stereotyped toothless, drunk, sister-marrying morass is used to support, in part or in whole, the liberal mantra that only stupid people carry guns.
I agree with Haz.
-
I'm with Haz. Thugs, liars and other associated human debris aren't rednecks...they are criminals and leaches. When someone sees a guy with a gun he's a dumb redneck...never mind he may be some hotshot corporate executive on vacation....and when that monniker is used in that setting it's used to disparage all gun owners by lumping them with the human debris. Or to disparage other things that liberals and elitist don't like or feel uncomfortable with.
One of the predominant things associated with rednecks is guns....all that other stereotyped toothless, drunk, sister-marrying morass is used to support, in part or in whole, the liberal mantra that only stupid people carry guns.
I agree with Haz.
Rastus you nailed it. Well said.
-
That site about the neighbor was too funny, I passed it to some friends of mine who will get a good laugh.
-
Why am I NOT surprised that JD8 is a good ole Georgia boy?!? lol
-
Whoa, I wasn't dissin' rednecks! Heck, I am one!
It's the creeps here that bother me. No I can't move right now. I bought this house to renovate and sell just before the housing market crashed (just my luck) then Banco de America capped my loan so that i couldn't get major projects done. I'm going to have to sell some stock, before BHO kicks in capital gains again, to fix up the kitchen, finish the deck and put it on the market for whatever I can get. After I sell it and pay off the second mortgage, I'll be lucky to afford and old condo. Any nice lookin' rich redneck wimmen out here wanting to hook up? Can I get a "Hell Yeah!"?
PS, the Greenville Co Sheriffs Dept. never even returned my call about it. No one was manning the phones and I had to leave a message. Lets just say they are not known for showing up in a timely matter for anything, if they show at all.
-
Around here if someone is dead the cops willl come out and do some paperwork. Other than that don't count on them EVER showing up unless some white trash POS lies and says their neighbor pulled a gun on him. The cops arrested and interrogated me and confiscated one of my guns. I couldn't prove I wasn't guilty of 2 felonies, felonious assault and using a gun during a felony, so I plead no contest to a misdemeanor and never got my gun back. That's why you shouldn't let your convicted felon baby-raper neighbor who was fired from a nursing home for beating up his elderly patients ever see you puting gun cases in your car. If he's out of his mind on illegal drugs and gets mad at you a year later, he remembers that you own guns and can get his drunk white trash POS step-father who wasn't even there to be a witness that you pulled a gun on him.
You see, I've had some bad neighbors too. A series of them all living in a $3,000 house that's surrounded by $50-60,000 houses. It only takes one decrepit old shack to bring trouble to the neighborhood for decades, even after the original owners move out. The first neighbors I had in that house were a bunch of Appalachian ridge-runners who eventually moved back to the mountain they crawled off of. One thing the wife did was look over at my house and ask my wife which window is the bedroom window. They were a real class act. ;) ;) When their car was in the driveway, instead of moving it, one of their sons drove through my yard to go around it. When they couldn't open the car door far enough for the 900 pound wife to roll out they knocked my fence down to make more room. She was collecting Social Security because being too fat to work is a disability. Every neighbior who's moved into that dump since them has been trouble. Their son moved in and was the one who got me arrested. The best neighbor I had in that house played horseshoes outside my bedroom window after the bars closed until it was almost time for me to get up and go to work. He's in prison for killing someone, but he was still a better neighbor than the guy who's living there now who tried to kill me, assaulted me several times, and made several dozen false polce reports and 911 calls against me.
I get along great with all of my neighbors except the people who live in that dump, so I know it's not me being hard to get along with. As a matter of fact, when my ex-neighbor who lived on the other side of me drove 13 hours from her home at Fort Bragg to visit relatives here for the holidays, they got together and made a plate full of home-made fudge and candy for me and brought it over for Christmas. It seems like everyone in the whole neighborhood likes me except the white trash that live in the little hovel next-door, and I've had serious problems with all of them.
-
I have np admiting I am a redneck...
-
Me neither. Especially after listening to Jeff Foxworthy while my working TV sat on top of my non-working TV. And my outdoor furniture used to be my indoor furniture. Guess what? It's indoor furniture again. :) If that ain't redneeck I don't know what is.
-
Around here if someone is dead the cops willl come out and do some paperwork. Other than that don't count on them EVER showing up unless some white trash POS lies and says their neighbor pulled a gun on him. The cops arrested and interrogated me and confiscated one of my guns. I couldn't prove I wasn't guilty of 2 felonies, felonious assault and using a gun during a felony, so I plead no contest to a misdemeanor and never got my gun back. That's why you shouldn't let your convicted felon baby-raper neighbor who was fired from a nursing home for beating up his elderly patients ever see you puting gun cases in your car. If he's out of his mind on illegal drugs and gets mad at you a year later, he remembers that you own guns and can get his drunk white trash POS step-father who wasn't even there to be a witness that you pulled a gun on him.
You see, I've had some bad neighbors too. A series of them all living in a $3,000 house that's surrounded by $50-60,000 houses. It only takes one decrepit old shack to bring trouble to the neighborhood for decades, even after the original owners move out. The first neighbors I had in that house were a bunch of Appalachian ridge-runners who eventually moved back to the mountain they crawled off of. One thing the wife did was look over at my house and ask my wife which window is the bedroom window. They were a real class act. ;) ;) When their car was in the driveway, instead of moving it, one of their sons drove through my yard to go around it. When they couldn't open the car door far enough for the 900 pound wife to roll out they knocked my fence down to make more room. She was collecting Social Security because being too fat to work is a disability. Every neighbior who's moved into that dump since them has been trouble. Their son moved in and was the one who got me arrested. The best neighbor I had in that house played horseshoes outside my bedroom window after the bars closed until it was almost time for me to get up and go to work. He's in prison for killing someone, but he was still a better neighbor than the guy who's living there now who tried to kill me, assaulted me several times, and made several dozen false polce reports and 911 calls against me.
I get along great with all of my neighbors except the people who live in that dump, so I know it's not me being hard to get along with. As a matter of fact, when my ex-neighbor who lived on the other side of me drove 13 hours from her home at Fort Bragg to visit relatives here for the holidays, they got together and made a plate full of home-made fudge and candy for me and brought it over for Christmas. It seems like everyone in the whole neighborhood likes me except the white trash that live in the little hovel next-door, and I've had serious problems with all of them.
Torch it
-
If I thought I could get away with it I would torch my neighbors house with him in it, still alive and conscious but disabled.
Living next to him causes me to have evil thoughts like that.
What would be the last thing that went through his mind if I put a claymore under his car seat?
His @$$hole and 700 ball bearings. ;)
-
I take offense at the 'redneck' stereotyping here.
Ther ARE dumb ass hicks al la "Beverly Hillbillies" BUT, "Rednecks" are good, honest, hard working, every day folks!
I believe the web page's author was interviewed (local radio station) and said the title was in the spirit of the Foxworthy description of a Redneck as "a glorious lack of sophistication" and that "we are all guilty of it at one time or another".
I am proudly a redneck at one time or another. ;D
-
Yes, I too have been a 'Redneck" from time to time. ;D
But I joined "Rednecks Anonymous" and it's all better now. ;)
-
Yes, I too have been a 'Redneck" from time to time. ;D
But I joined "Rednecks Anonymous" and it's all better now. ;)
I don't want mine to go away. ;D
-
If I joined Rednecks Anonymous, would I have to quit fixing things with duct tape and learn how to use my MIG welder?
-
I don't want mine to go away. ;D
Mine didn't go away...I just joined for the free cookies and beer. ;)