The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: TAB on May 06, 2009, 11:06:03 PM
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ok so heres the deal I have a realtive thats screwing up really bad, flunking HS do to being lazy, cuts school/ won't go... etc
The question is, would the army or the marines be better for kicking her ass? Having known people that have been members of both, they each have thier strengths and thier weakness. The army has a better educational program( IE having them get thier HS diploma/ GED.) Where as the marines will do a better job of kicking her ass.
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Only reason for doing what she's doing is that she needs her ass kicked. After she's had a dynamic attitude adjustment, she'll get her [stuff] together, see the error of her previous ways, and move towards higher education.
Remember, certain programs are subject to budget allowances. When the money is out and given the nature of this congress and president, those special army programs may get cut.
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I was a Marine Recruiter in the mid-70's and high school diploma or GED was required. I am sure Marines have not dropped that requirement. You could get a waiver but took a long time and lot of work.
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i've tried taking her to the soup kitchen and the homeless camps, they did not even phase her. her mother can not kick her ass and I'm too far away to do.
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I'd be careful here TAB. The thing about the military is that you have to WANT to be there to suceed. If not you'll fail, this is particularly true of the Marines. They will kick her ass out if she just stops trying. This will saddle her with a less than honarable discharge that will follow her for life. (at least I think a recruit discharge is less than honrable, check this out). I will tell you that I was in a similar boat. I was smart as hell (at lest according to the UT PhD program) but pulling C's and flunking math my first year of high school cause I just didn't do the work. My dad sent me to Outward Bound. It was what I needed. I got the confidence to get over my social shyness that was part of the problem, got in shape and developed a life long love of backpacking, rock climbing and white water. I also wound up graduating with a good enough GPA to get into a pretty decent college. I don't know what it costs these days, but with summer coming up, it migh not be a bad investment.
FQ13
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One other point TAB. What does she like to do? What is she good at? Its a lot easier to motivate someone with something positive, rather than a negative. Encouraging and reinforcing the positive seems to work a lot better on my students than just yelling at them. Does she show talent at working with her hands, like cars, plants, boats, cooking, little kids etc.? I would also look at the home situation. Is she just in bad environment and needs a change of scenery for a while? Again summer is coming up and there a thousand internship/volunteer programs out there. Just my .02.
FQ13
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During my basic training, we had several "conscripts" or fellas that were given a choice between jail or the Navy. Obviously, they were compelled to enlist and because of that, they never really gave the military the chance it deserved. What happened to them after that I don't know because unlike other armed forces, your chances of ever seeing a fellow recruit are slim and none in the Navy.
I do know that they were the trouble makers who needed constant supervision, constant reminders of how to perform their duties and constant attention from the rest of us to teach them that we are not individuals, but 76 men, all working to the same end, Graduating...one bad apple can force an entire company back to week one! Those were the guys that got "short sheeted", wire brush showers and cleaning the crappers with their tooth brushes.
Now in 1975, the Navy basic was no tougher physically than high school football practice, it was a mind game. Find the weakest link and force them to break, find the button of weakness in a person and keep pushing it till they break...
Naval crews aboard ship are cramped together in small spaces for months at a time and being tolerant of others is the mainstay of Naval life. I never served aboard ship for my enlistment but was sent to some of the more remote places on the planet, either way, working together was paramount in our training.
This relative may be better served in another venue other than the armed forces, forcing this person into a life unlike most, could be far more harmful than letting he or she make their own mistakes and learn from them. There are always reasons for any behavior and maybe this person is just looking for help and doesn't know how to ask for it.
Back in the day, if you washed out after about week 6, it was a "General Discharge" and that can have a major effect on the rest of a young persons life....
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I would suggest the Army, because the Marines may kick her ass too hard
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Does she have any interest in the Military? She might have a bad case of "senioritis", want's her freedom from home and or parents.
A wake up call is what she needs, the trick is finding out what that is?
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her choices right now are join the miltary or be on the street. She has blown all her chances when its come to going to school.
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her choices right now are join the miltary or be on the street. She has blown all her chances when its come to going to school.
Sorry to hear that. In that case there's only one choice.
Any branch of the Military would do her some good.
Hope for the best.
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Sorry to hear that. In that case there's only one choice.
Any branch of the Military would do her some good.
Hope for the best.
Indeed, but also look at Ameri-corps if she's not the type to take military discipline. It will still give her structure and something to get into community college or a trade school when finishes. If the military is it, I'd certainley suggest army or the chair force.
FQ13
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WRONG on the military service. I was a Drill Sergeant and I DON"T WANT YOUR TRASH!
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The military would be a good alternative, but she has to WANT to be there. Sometimes kicking their butts out on the streets is the best way for them to get some direction in life. There is the chance that the direction she chooses will be the wrong direction, but if she stays home, she will difinitely fail. The worst part of that is she'll take those around her (those trying to help) down too.
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WRONG on the military service. I was a Drill Sergeant and I DON"T WANT YOUR TRASH!
A drill sergeant? You? You seem like such the shy type. I'm shocked, simply shocked. The fact is that this girl needs reality 101 and some motivation and self confidence, maybe its the military style kick in the ass, maybe its a year of asking, "Do want fries with that". Who the hell knows, she probably doesn't know either. The thing is, I'm not willing to give up an 18 year old kid, and god knows the military has helped turn a lot of young fools around. As a former DS, you should know that one man's trash is another's treasure, and with a little bit of that patented Haz style "friendly persuasion and sweet reason.......
FQ13 ;D
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Not saying give up on her. Just don't inflict her on those that want to be there. Same as teaching to the lowest common denominator. Doesn't work for anyone.
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you know whats reallly sad, when I was going thru the basic for the USCG, which is a cake walk.
We had a few guys that could not keep thier mouths shut... they were well over 1000 push ups a day and still did not learn thier lesson.
I really think all it would take is aobut a month of being forced to do something for her to straiten out. Her mother can't do that( she is 18 now) kicking her out really does no one anygood.
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you know whats reallly sad, when I was going thru the basic for the USCG, which is a cake walk.
We had a few guys that could not keep thier mouths shut... they were well over 1000 push ups a day and still did not learn thier lesson.
I really think all it would take is aobut a month of being forced to do something for her to straiten out. Her mother can't do that( she is 18 now) kicking her out really does no one anygood.
Maybe try making her pay rent. Draw up a list of her share of bills, part of the mortgage payment, food etc., and make her get a job (which is unfortunately going to be tougher now) to pay for it. Maybe it will help, maybe not, but you have my support for trying.
FQ13
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her mom tried that... she had it for 2 days... then was fired for not showing up.
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Not trying to be a smart ass here TAB but did you ever think of taking her up the road for a tour of Folsom? Sometimes a little shock value is a good thing.
As someone else suggested earlier, none of the armed forces accept anyone without at least a GED, if she isn't willing to work hard enough even for that, no amount of forced anything is going to help.
Sometimes people just can't be helped, or don't want help. Don't give up but don't take it personally!
This discussion gives me reason to give my daughter a great big hug when she comes home, though I don't really need a reason!
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Take her into Oakland and show her the hookers on the streets.
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Take me too. ;)
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Take me too. ;)
JUMBO!!!
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What??? ;D
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What??? ;D
BEHAVE you reprobate!
;)
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Okay. (Grumble, grumble) I'm heading to the corner.
Where the whiskey is ice cold. :D
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San Francisco is better anyway Frank!
;D
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Okay. (Grumble, grumble) I'm heading to the corner.
Where the whiskey is ice cold. :D
Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAS1PAh1jbw
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Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAS1PAh1jbw
Hell yeah! Man Cave time!
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Take me too. ;)
These aren't your "Miami Vice" cuties, but AIDS toting, syphilitic nasties.
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Hell yeah! Man Cave time!
How about some
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc86_Weoye0
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folsom does not do tours anymore...
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marines kicked my ass and I was a changed man lol.
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TAB, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but................does she have a problem with checmical substances, perhaps?
It's a possibility that she's giving a cry for help that nobody is really hearing.
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TAB, Don't know what to tell you. This is really sad. It doesn't sound like she wants to do anything to help herself. If she is up for it than any branch of the Military that would take her is probably good. Sounds like there is some background to her behavior and untill she makes the decision to accept that, deal with it, and move on for the better, she will keep behaving as she has. We here don't know all the details and nuances of her situation and her family situation. I have friends that work with youth in both the private and public settings and have heard lots of stories. Is there a chance that she was abused when younger and needs counceling to learn to deal with it? If there are younger siblings, having her stay may be extremely detrimental for them.
You love them and would do almost anything for them and they take advantage of and abuse that love. Is there a relative that she can stay with for a change of scenery and pace. It's a tough thing to do, but mom might just have to put her out for the sanctity of the rest of the family. She may dissaper into a life on the streets and all the tragedies that come with it or it might make her wake up and straighten her out.
TAB, I wish you, her, and her mom the best.
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Tough call keeping her from going completely to the "dark side", If military won't work, how about the Peace Corps?
I haven;t heard what she likes yet. Music? Tattoos?, something,.... there's got to be a way to find some option that she does enjoy, and would be willing to pursue.
I had a time in my life when I did it the "hard way", now looking back, my father was right, and those that offered advice I should have heeded, would have made things easier back when I was younger.
The decisions she makes now will effect her for years to come. She needs to know that.
Good Luck TAB, don't give up on her.
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TAB, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but................does she have a problem with checmical substances, perhaps?
It's a possibility that she's giving a cry for help that nobody is really hearing.
hair test was clean( I mean nothing, it shocked me)