Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

        Let me get this straight.....
        Obama's health care plan will:

            * Be written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it.
            * Be passed by a Congress that hasn't read it (but exempts themselves from it).
            * Be signed by a president who smokes (and also hasn't read it).
            * Have funding administered by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes.
            * Be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese.
            * Be financed by a country that is nearly broke.

        What could possibly go wrong?

 
What could possibly go wrong:
 
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello?"
"Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.
"Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The folks at Obama health care recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
 
 

[Hazcat]

Doctors weigh in on the new Obama health care proposal
 
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

[True_Texan]

Two tampons were standing in line at the bank. Neither of them said anything to each other, because they were both stuck-up bitches.

[Teresa Heilevang]

Two tampons were standing in line at the bank. Neither of them said anything to each other, because they were both stuck-up bitches.

hahahaha~~~~  I'm truly sick!

[Johnny Bravo]

Thanks for that Tex..........

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

no.. I meant sick  as in twisted humor sick.. I am truly a twisted sister.. LOL

[Johnny Bravo]

Ok.......

[tt11758]

no.. I meant sick  as in twisted humor sick.. I am truly a twisted sister.. LOL

I can vouch for the veracity of that statement.   

[Johnny Bravo]

I wouldn't want to get on ur bad side M'ette! 

[Bill Stryker]

 Italian Relaxation Technique

 

This sounds absolutely wonderful............visualization to beat stress.  Try it, it really works!!

 

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily . The funny thing is that it really does work.


1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7 The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Nancy Pelosi, the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work... You're smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique.