Classic joke thread...

[Timothy]

Story of my life, and I'm not even a Marine!!

Bring anyone to mind?   

 Why do Marine veterans have a hard time getting a job? It's just not the current bad economy, but also the behavioral job interview questions used nowadays.
For example...

HR Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Marine veteran: "Honesty."...

HR Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness!"

Marine veteran: "I don't give a shit what you think!"

I had a conversation with my new boss recently where he was asking me what I thought of a particular sequence of operations on a process plan I'd developed.

When I answered one his questions, he made a statement questioning my decision and I told him basically that he'd asked my opinion and it was none of my concern that he didn't particularly care for my answer. 

He didn't ask another...

[sledgemeister]

Marshall brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

Marshall'ette screams at him as his friend listens in.

"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done,
I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the
hell did you bring him home for?”

"Because he's thinking of getting married."




Corner this ways? >>>>>>>>>>
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                                               >>>>>

[santahog]

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, Tylenol also has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is called ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, its recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, dixafix, and of course ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails - highballs", and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "Mount & Do."

[gunman42782]

CLOCKS OF HEAVEN
 A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
 "What are all those clocks?"
 St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
 "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
 "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
 "Incredible," said the man.
 "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
 "Where's Obama's clock?"
 "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

[PegLeg45]

[Sponsor]

[santahog]

Not much of a beard on that one!! You sure it's not a hen??

[PegLeg45]

 

[santahog]

Chocolate Store Magic

A doctor and an engineer entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking around, the doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, the doctor said to engineer, "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can't beat that."

The engineer replied, "Okay, you wanna see something better? Let's go back to the store and I'll show you real stealing."

So they both went up to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, "Hey, would you like to see some magic?"

The shop boy replied, "Yes!"

The engineer said, "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it... He asked for the second, and he ate that one as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shop boy asked, "Okay, what are you trying to pull here? Where's the magic?"

The engineer replied, "Check in my friend's pocket. You'll find all three bars."

[sledgemeister]

[Solus]

You tell em, Clyde!