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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1369280 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5280 on: April 22, 2020, 02:52:13 PM »
It took a few days of deep thought but I finally came up with a solution to the toilet paper shortage. ;D
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5281 on: April 22, 2020, 03:51:26 PM »
I'm not gay and I'm proud of it, so I made a Not Gay Pride symbol from a rainbow image I found online. I don't know if anyone thinks that's funny or not. I don't know how homosexuals, etc. hijacked the rainbow and made it theirs in the first place. I may or may not make a larger version of the symbol from scratch and get some T-shirts printed. It would be nice to see the expressions on the faces of sniveling liberals when I let them know I'm proud I'm not gay. If I was having sex with another man, I would not be proud of that. If someone else is proud of it that's okay, just quit asking when I say I'm not interested. No means no!

The only time I got a shirt custom printed, it was a yellow diamond caution sign like the signs on highways. But I made one up for a Butt Crack Hazard Area. It didn't have any writing on it, just a symbol. Imagine gull wings coming over the horizon and you might get an idea what it looked like. I even put the black stripe all the way around the sign near the edge. I made it on a sheet of typing paper with a ballpoint pen and yellow highlighter 20 years or so before I had a computer. It looked so good they just photocopied it instead of making a custom design to screen print, which is what I initially asked them to do. No one knew what the sign meant but I sure got a lot of laughs when I told them.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5282 on: May 07, 2020, 06:58:50 PM »
 8)
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

alfsauve

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5283 on: May 08, 2020, 09:22:28 AM »
A C5 pilot is making a nose gear up landing.  Just as he touches down:

Tower:  Uh, 0072 how are you doing?

Pilot:  Don't know yet. I'm not through crashing.
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Will work for ammo
USAF MAC 437th MAW 1968-1972

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5284 on: May 10, 2020, 02:50:19 AM »
I always like to sit in the very back of a plane. It's the last part to hit a mountain.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5285 on: Today at 06:20:05 PM »
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BAC

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5285 on: May 10, 2020, 03:29:05 AM »
How far can we get on just one engine?

All the way to the crash site.
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5286 on: May 10, 2020, 05:13:36 AM »
Here's a very old joke that's not about aviation.

What's wrinkled and smells like ginger?









Fred Astaire's face.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5287 on: May 10, 2020, 04:30:07 PM »
More about everyone's favorite virus.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5288 on: May 11, 2020, 12:08:48 PM »
That last sign had Tom B's name written all over it.  ;D ;D ;D ;D
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5289 on: May 11, 2020, 12:55:16 PM »
That was the one I liked best    ;D
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