Classic joke thread...

[philw]

ahh crap,


I forgot you guys are Fahrenheit

32 Deg  = 90F 

[Hazcat]

ahh crap,


I forgot you guys are Fahrenheit

32 Deg  = 90F 

I was confused (should have thought about Celcius!) as I know you're in summer down there.

[tombogan03884]

F you, 11 am 11 degrees Farenhiet 

[shooter32]

F you, 11 am 11 degrees Farenhiet 

lol. 9:20 am 15 degrees F. and snowing

[MikeBjerum]

lol. 9:20 am 15 degrees F. and snowing

Colorado doesn't count ... Two days from now your's will all be gone.

We've reached 14 according to the radio, but I just came in from an hour behind the shovel and blower and it don't feel that warm.

Figure I've got about two or three hours on the tractor this evening from the looks of the yard this morning. 

Anyone need any sod?  I learned that it is a lie that we have two feet of frost, and I peeled up about three or four thousand square feet of lawn on Saturday ... oooooops 

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick.    His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to
change.

One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a
nearby city and purchased a Robot.   It was no ordinary robot, but it
was in fact a Lie Detector Robot.   He said it had to charge on the wall
socket 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.

At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from
school, nearly 2 hours late.   Both parents were understandably angry.

'Where have you been?    Why are you 2 hours late getting home?', they
asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,'
said Tommy.

The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after
school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'

'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.'

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I'm sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Swedish Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies,
told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'

The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that
not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half
way across the patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in
tears.   'Boy, did you ever ask for that one!   And you can't be too mad
with Tommy.   After all, he's your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha and slapped the shit outta
her.

[tt11758]

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick.    His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to
change.

One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a
nearby city and purchased a Robot.   It was no ordinary robot, but it
was in fact a Lie Detector Robot.   He said it had to charge on the wall
socket 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.

At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from
school, nearly 2 hours late.   Both parents were understandably angry.

'Where have you been?    Why are you 2 hours late getting home?', they
asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,'
said Tommy.

The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after
school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'

'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.'

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I'm sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Swedish Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies,
told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'

The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that
not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half
way across the patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in
tears.   'Boy, did you ever ask for that one!   And you can't be too mad
with Tommy.   After all, he's your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha and slapped the shit outta
her.

Lucy, you got some splainin to do!!!

[philw]

IF SANTA ANSWERED HIS MAIL HONESTLY...

Dear Senta: I wood like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer

Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I

send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa



Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for Is peace

and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa



Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd  like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.  Please see what you can do? Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in A hurricane.  Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly?  It's time to give up that dream.  Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa

Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony, and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?  I bet you're gay. I'll set you

up with a Barbie doll, which is more your speed. Santa

Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my Face while riding in the sleigh.  You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. AND TELL YOUR MOM TO STAY UP LATE! Santa

Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year?  Are you busy Making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, No.  All the toys are made in Red China nowadays.  I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of Cocktail waitresses while losing money at the crap table.  Hey, you wanted to know. Santa

Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,

like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible?  Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa

Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year.  Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, could I have one? Timmy

Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that Crap doesn't work with me.  You're getting a sweater again. Santa

Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're always getting your ass whipped at school.  Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.  Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa








This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

[Big Frank]

ahh crap,


I forgot you guys are Fahrenheit

32 Deg  = 90F 

I picked up on that right away. 32*F is 0*C and I know it's not freezing in summer.

[philw]

Christmas Song,

Down load here

hehe