Classic joke thread...

[Bic]

After a President has been in office for 1 year it is customary for the last President to send a note to the new president. So when the note came from Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was:

370H-SSV-0773H

This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged. So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it.

They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note.

Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House.. They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message.

Now there was complete panic in the Oval Office. They called all of their contacts in the media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come up with an answer. A special emergency meeting was called by the staff. All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code.

After a sleepless night, a now humbled President Obama picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note.

George Bush chuckled and replied---" You're holding it upside down, dummy"!

[gunman42782]

So, this Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees.


The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.


The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.


The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.


The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.


Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?


After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger Woods and Shane Warne were right, when they said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

[Majer]

The United States Border Patrol is asking everyone to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevy. They suspect this car is being used to smuggle illegal immigrants across the border from Mexico and into points along the U.S. border. If you see the vehicle pictured below and have reason to believe that it is the suspect vehicle, you are urged to contact your local police department or the U.S. Border Patrol.

[crusader rabbit]

A birch tree and a beech tree had stood side by side in the woods for many years.  As a result of this proximity, they had become quite good friends.

One day, the birch tree happened to glance down to the fertile ground below where he saw a young sapling.

"Look at that handsome young son of a birch," he said to his beech tree friend.

"That is indeed a handsome sapling," the beech tree replied.  "But I believe you will discover it's a son of a beech, not a son of a birch."

They argued for many years as the young sapling grew into tree-hood.

One day, a woodpecker happened to stop by, landing in the birch tree.  The birch tree had an idea and said to the woodpecker, "Mr. Woodpecker, my friend the beech tree and I have been arguing over the parentage of the young sapling below.  Is it a son of a birch as I believe.  Or is it a son of a beech as my friend is convinced?"

The woodpecker flew down and began to peck at the young sapling.  He was there for quite some time before flying back into the taller tree.

"Well," the beech tree demanded.  "Is it a son of a birch or a son of a beech?"

"You are both going to be disappointed," said the woodpecker.  "For that is one of the finest pieces of ash I've ever had my pecker in."

(okay, I'm headed for the corner.)

[tt11758]

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OFTHE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated!





Meet you in the corner, C.R. 

[Sponsor]

[tt11758]

* - Dating in 1957

 

You need to be able to remember the era to really enjoy this... But even if you’re

not old enough, this is funny, anyway!

 

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy

Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

 

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in

the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

 

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

 

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

 

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,

maybe take a walk on the beach..."

 

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

 

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

 

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all

they do!"

 

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

 

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

 

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for

the evening.

 

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture

wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a

bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

 

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

 

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed

the front door behind her.

 

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called

the Twist!"

 

  

GREAT story, I LOVE it!!

* - While I hate to be "that guy", "The Twist" was a dance named after Chubby Checker's hit song of the same name.......which wasn't released until late 1960.

Sucks having a DJ on the forum, don't it?  

[tombogan03884]

Romney's Horse

    So the Romneys are selfish for keeping a horse? And employing a groom
    with a family to support. And paying for feed that's sold by someone
    with a family to support and transported in trucks by someone with a
    family to support and manufactured in a factory by people with
    families to support from stuff that's grown by farmers with families
    to support. And having a barn built by construction workers with
    families to support with materials trucked by drivers with families to
    support from factories with workers with families to support.

    Sounds to me like that one horse has done more to put Americans to
    work than that horse's ass in the White House.

[GASPASSERDELUXE]

GREAT story, I LOVE it!!

* - While I hate to be "that guy", "The Twist" was a dance named after Chubby Checker's hit song of the same name.......which wasn't released until late 1960.

Sucks having a DJ on the forum, don't it?  Grin

hEY, i just send them out I don't research them.

[Solus]

The joke seemed to reference Sam Cook's    Twisting The Night Away   

Don't make me post the YouTube links again....I'm trying hard not to since it was just a page back....

[ellis4538]

Tom, if you weren't on someone's list before that post you are now!

Richard


PS:  I'll join you because "I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!"...EXCEPT THE GUY IN THE WH PRODUCES MORE "S..T"  JMHOFWIW