Classic joke thread...

[TAB]

I fail at this one

You might be a  TRUE  AMERICAN  if:
You've  never burned an American flag.

I've burned dozens, all during retirment ceremonys.

[Solus]

Thankfully that is not the only criteria for being a True American....and even leaves out some of the most important.

 

[Badgersmilk]

[crusader rabbit]

Two medical students were walking along the street
when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poo r old man

has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so.
The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him,

"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you
walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"   

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
 
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."   
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."   
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."   
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
 
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"   

The old man said,

"I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"

[GASPASSERDELUXE]

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .


(This is priceless...)


"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[Sponsor]

[PegLeg45]

Hackers in Union County, North Carolina used a Department of Transportation traffic sign to display their own message. (Photo: WSOCTV.com)

[PegLeg45]

She smiles and they start kissing............

When things began to heat up little, Marie says, "Philippe, kiss me lower."

Philippe tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest.

The bewildered Marie' asks "Philippe! What are you doing?"

"I am Philippe the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Philippe, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her panties, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river, standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PHILIPPE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Our hero stands up, grins defiantly, and says, "I am Philippe the fighter pilot! And when I go down, I go down in flames!"

[Badgersmilk]

I thought it was funny anyway.   

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/fox-news-website-calls-obama-birthday-party-hip-214154301.html

[Steve Cover]

http://www.wimp.com/disappearingprank/
 
What more needs to be said

[sledgemeister]

I thought it was funny anyway.   

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/fox-news-website-calls-obama-birthday-party-hip-214154301.html

Rolfmao calls of racism what a croc.

Just cos a got down, with his peeps in the crib, damn there goes the hood, he gonna get ghetto on ya ass now fox news!