Classic joke thread...

[BAC]

I was NOT here, and I did NOT say that was funny.

[Teresa Heilevang]

BAC~~~ Keep a straight face when you lie..,.

[Teresa Heilevang]

Year to date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security

 Terrorist Plots Discovered           0

Transvestites                              133

Hernias                                   1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases                 3,172

Enlarged Prostates                8,249

Breast Implants                   59,350

Natural Blondes                           3
 

 

[Teresa Heilevang]

The Very First "Senior Moment"
 

[tt11758]

Year to date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security

 Terrorist Plots Discovered           0

Transvestites                              133

Hernias                                   1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases                 3,172

Enlarged Prostates                8,249

Breast Implants                   59,350

Natural Blondes                           3
 

 

The natural blondes were the ones who volunteered for the screening.

[Sponsor]

[BAC]

BAC~~~ Keep a straight face when you lie..,.

[Teresa Heilevang]

T Traughber and Kathy were at home watching TV. He had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

She became more and more annoyed and finally said "For God's sake Tom, leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"


((( I know that pay backs are hell~~ but it was soooo worth it!))
 

 

[Majer]

A young guy with a great built found himself unemployed... But he had to pay the rent, buy food and pay bills... so he decided to put a sign outside the door of his apartment which read: IN BED $100, ON THE COUCH $50, ON THE FLOOR $25. Not long after that, an old woman walks by his door. She stops to read the sign, gets all excited and then rushes back home. She breaks open her piggy bank and takes the little savings she had. With the money in her hand she heads for the young man's apartment. Knock knock... The young man opens the door and the old lady hands him the money. He gives her a passionate kiss and after counting the money tells her: "It's $100, so you want to do it in bed?" "Don't be so naive young man" she replied, "I wanna do it 4 times on the floor!!"

[Majer]

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to
paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy
was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she
returned.



She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in
the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that
the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.



About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.



They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in
desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.



The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how
to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).



Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well, Doctor,I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."



The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."

[Big Frank]