Classic joke thread...

[MikeBjerum]

Not a joke, but a humorous true story:

Summer of 2003 (if memory serves) President Bush came to Minnesota.  Somehow the MN Cattleman's Association got left off the list, and at the last minute there was an opportunity for them to attend.  Steve Brake (sp?), President of MN Cattleman that year, received the call that the cattlemen were to be included and when and where he needed to report.  He questioned how many could come, and he was told ONE - only him.  He asked about his wife and family, and he was told "ONLY  YOU!"

The day arrived and Steve showed up at the airport in his best shirt and tie, starched blue jeans, freshly polished boots and formal cowboy hat.  As he was checked in by FBI and Secret Service and worked his way through the levels of security, he noticed vans and buses full of Soybean Association and Corn Growers reps piling out, and pretty soon there were the Pork Producers and representatives from every group involved with agriculture in Minnesota.  They came in business casual to full suits, baseball caps and bare heads, but the common denominator was they were all in groups.  There stood Steve all by himself, and wearing the only full brimmed hat in the area.

As time passes and the crowd grew, the jabs started.  It didn't take long for others to realize Steve was alone, and both he and the cattle producers became the butt of many jokes until the moment.  Without warning a Secret Service agent, in the classic black suit and ear piece, with his back to the crowd and without making a move calmly stated "It only takes one MAN in a cowboy hat to get the job done."

This brought an end to all jokes.

[Dakotaranger]

'

Not a joke, but a humorous true story:

Ain't that the truth

[TAB]

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior, "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was ," sighed the Sister."And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to
Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blasp heme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.
"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling,
and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "You missed the f****** putt, didn't you?"

[tombogan03884]

Not a joke, but a humorous true story:

Gee, I wonder where that secret service agent grew up ? 
TAB, that ranks right up there with some of M'ettes 
This thread ALWAYS improves my day !

[Teresa Heilevang]

Ohhhh Tab~~~~~~~~~


That was just a hoot. I horse laughed out loud on that one. I have to send that to my son and my mom..
Ha Ha ha..that is funny.

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you,
his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG which is God spelled backwards.

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride.
They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration.
Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are.
The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that
they were NOT the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased
And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

[Hazcat]

OH!  How true!  Maybe with an ego like mine that's why I am a cat guy.

[Teresa Heilevang]

And can your 'handsome guy' maneuver is finger  like this cat can?  I am sure he has watched his owner a time or two.
 

[Diplomat]

Okay I'll play.


A dog is truly man's best friend. If you don't believe it, try this experiment:


Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

[Hazcat]

If my wife was like Marshal'ette I AIN'T opening that trunk.  I KNOW she has a 'hide out' or two on her.