Classic joke thread...

[PegLeg45]

I kept telling myself it was so wrong to laugh at these poor kids..........but then I thought about all the times cousins and other family jumped out of doorways and closets to scare the crap out of me (or anyone else that happened by) and remembered that it is a rite of passage. This was just a high-tech version of the old gotcha routine.

The looks on some of these faces are priceless......

[red364]

You are mean!  But it was the best six and a half minutes I've wasted at work today   

[Bill Stryker]

PITIFUL


.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
 
 
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
 
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
 
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
 
I'm a defective parrot.'
 
'Holy crap,' the guy replies
 
'You actually understood and answered me. !'
 
'I got every word,' says the parrot.
 
'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
 
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.
 
'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarras sing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook
 
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
 
'Wow,' says the guy.
 
'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.
 
I'm especially good at ornithology.
 
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
 
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
 
'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
 
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.
 
You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.
 
The parrot is sensational.
 
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
 
The guy is delighted.
 
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
 
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.
 
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
 
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.
 
'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lift ed up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
 
'Yes.
 
Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
 
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!' 
 
 
 
 
 
If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day
 

[Bill Stryker]

IT'S NOT TRUE THAT ONLY A "DOG PERSON" WOULD TRULY APPRECIATE THIS!

Stay

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the

local shopping center and rolled
Down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.



She was stretched full-out on the back seat
And I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there.

I walked to the curb backward,
Pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
'Now you stay. Do you hear me?'

'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
Gave me a strange look and said,


"Why don't you just put it in Park"?

[Bill Stryker]

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind us;
we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please.'

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers.

'Been on holiday yet, lads?'

'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?'
Jim agrees.

'Ah, England!' says the bartender. 'Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture...'

'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. 'Hamburgers & Molsons beer, that's us, eh Jim?
And we can't stand the English --- they're so arrogant and rude.'

"So why keep going to England?' asks the bartender.

'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.'

[Sponsor]

[Solus]

I kept telling myself it was so wrong to laugh at these poor kids..........but then I thought about all the times cousins and other family jumped out of doorways and closets to scare the crap out of me (or anyone else that happened by) and remembered that it is a rite of passage. This was just a high-tech version of the old gotcha routine.

The looks on some of these faces are priceless......

Interesting to see some of the reactions.   I noticed one little girl, at about 1:33 into it who just gave a quick shriek and then laughed.  I noted there was no sound for her, but for most of the others, there was sound, sometimes very loud.  It appears it might be the sound that did more to frighten them than the visual.  

Did you also notice the dog trying to comfort the very little girl who was crying?

[PegLeg45]

Interesting to see some of the reactions.   I noticed one little girl, at about 1:33 into it who just gave a quick shriek and then laughed.  I noted there was no sound for her, but for most of the others, there was sound, sometimes very loud.  It appears it might be the sound that did more to frighten them than the visual.  

Did you also notice the dog trying to comfort the very little girl who was crying?

Yes, I thought it was cool with the dog looking out for the kid.
I agree it is as much the sound as anything. I remember getting the thing in an email several times years ago and it always said "make sure volume is turned up".

I freely admit the first time I saw it I jumped a little myself.........but then I could also say that about my reaction to some women I knew in my younger years when I saw them in the light (sober).
 

[fightingquaker13]

Yes, I thought it was cool with the dog looking out for the kid.
I agree it is as much the sound as anything. I remember getting the thing in an email several times years ago and it always said "make sure volume is turned up".

I freely admit the first time I saw it I jumped a little myself.........but then I could also say that about my reaction to some women I knew in my younger years when I saw them in the light (sober).
 

The question is, did you ever have to replace a monitor or do a little spackeling on the wall behind it?
FQ13

[tt11758]

A terrorist has hijacked a 747 full of lawyers. He's threatening to release one every hour until his demands are met.

[PegLeg45]

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to  play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept  together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was  full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."