Classic joke thread...

[Ichiban]

[Big Frank]

That's why you should never buy the cow without sampling the milk. 

[philw]

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a guy decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are more gentle and accommodating.
He lay naked on his side on the table, and the nurse began the examination.
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection," said the man.
"No, but I have." replied the nurse.
Moral:  don't have this procedure done in San Francisco !

[FSBARAK]

Stolen from ARFcom, where it was stolen from somewhere else, etc.

[kmitch200]

THAT is funny!!

[Sponsor]

[Majer]

        I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday ....minding my own business, waiting for it to turn green.
         

    A carload of young, loud Muslims shouting anti American slogans stopped next to me.
    The light changed, the Muslims shook their fists, hit the gas and darted off ahead of me.
     
    Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding through and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely.
    For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!"
     
    So, today...bright and early, I went out and got me a job as a truck driver.

 

[Bill Stryker]

Some men just never learn......lol



MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE...


A FOURSOME OF GUYS ARE  WAITING AT THE MEN'S TEE WHILE A FOURSOME OF WOMEN ARE HITTING FROM THE LADIES' TEE.  THE LADIES ARE TAKING THEIR TIME.

WHEN THE FINAL LADY IS READY TO HIT HER BALL, SHE HACKS IT 10 FEET.  THEN SHE GOES OVER AND WHIFFS IT COMPLETELY. THEN SHE HACKS IT ANOTHER TEN FEET AND FINALLY HACKS IT ANOTHER FIVE FEET.

SHE LOOKS UP AT THE PATIENTLY WAITING MEN AND SAYS APOLOGETICALLY, "I GUESS ALL THOSE F--KING LESSONS I TOOK OVER THE WINTER DIDN'T HELP."

ONE OF THE MEN IMMEDIATELY RESPONDS; "WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.  YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN GOLF LESSONS INSTEAD."

NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO DUCK.  HE WAS 43.......



 
When you have the facts argue the facts, when you have the truth argue the truth, when you have neither pound on the table. Unknown

[GASPASSERDELUXE]

Default Implantable Microchip for Terrorists

    The implant is specifically designed to be inserted in the forehead.

    When properly installed, it will allow the terrorist to speak to God.

    The chip comes in a variety of sizes, and installation is implemented through a 0.223 to 0.50 caliber injection apparatus used by technicians of the U.S. Marines, U.S. Army, and Navy Seals.

    The exact size of the implant will be selected by the aforementioned hightly-trained and skilled delivery technicians, who will also conduct the actual procedure.

    No anesthesia required.

    The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, such as severe headaches, nausea, and joint pain are extremely temporary. There have been some reported cases of overpenetration when the correctly sized injection devices were unavailable. However, these did not result in the microchips being rendered ineffective.

    Some bleeding or swelling can occur at the injection site. However, in almost all cases, the recipient won't notice it.

    Any forgiveness or judgment occurs at meeting with God, and the technicians are only liable for arranging the aforementioned meeting.

STOLEN FROM 68 FORUM.

[tt11758]

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed
a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity
music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00
depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because
women have always complained about men staring
at their tits and not listening to them.

[Pathfinder]

Giuseppe was meeting with a men’s group from the church, and they all congratulated him on his being married for 50 years.  the pastor asked him what the secret was, so he could share it –

He said that when he and his wife were married for 25 years, he took her to Italy.  all the men were impressed with this
and for your 50th?  the pastor asked…

I brought her home