George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze.
George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: *slurring is words*: "Ahhhh crap" ! The ole' lady ish gonna fhrow my ass out of the house for gettin drunk and pukin all over my bran new shirt!"
Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."
George blinked a few times and weaved around and said, "Tha's a wunnerful idea. I'll do it!".
So, when drunk ass George walked into the house with his money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"
George: "Honey, let me esplain! This ole drunken fool at the bar frew up aaaalllllllll over me and then he gave me 20 bucks to haf my new shirt cleaned."
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George's wife: "Oh, Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"
George: *stggering, but holding her gaze... "Oh, well...tha's from the nother guy who shit in my pants."