Gosh, that's terrible. I'm sorry that you lost your wife. We were fortunate that my wife returned from the abyss. I can't imagine your tragedy.
Yeah, it left a mark.. Mine came back, well, the Lord gave me a little longer, the first time in 05. At least we thought we made it.. They took out a tumor from her right breast in the summer of 05. We were told at the beginning of that process that if it were disturbed at all that any cells that got away could/would get caught somewhere else and grow again.. I told the Dr to take the whole thing. My wife looked at me like I told her to take her head or something.. I wanted her, not her breast.. I told her I was a leg man, which I am. Tried not to lose a sense of humor through that.. Well, it got disturbed.. It was technically "Breast Cancer" that had metastasized and showed up in her Coccyx Spine (tail bone), right hip, C-Spine and her brain.. That meant bone cancer, which is the most painful place, I'm told, and she lost her mind.. Bubba, my whole world revolved around her.. They took a divet out of her head the size of a softball. The big tumor was too big to take it all. They got about 80% of it. There were 5 more small ones lower in her brain that they didn't see before they went in, but it didn't matter.. She was gone in 10 weeks. Of all the honorable things I've been blessed to do in life, taking care of her was far and away, the most, and hardest.. It was just us, too.. The pharmacist brought the drugs and a Nurse came by twice a week for a half an hour. The kids didn't show up.. My wife didn't want them to see her like that, and they didn't want to remember her like that. I don't blame the kids.. It was hard. When I broke, though, they didn't cut me much slack.. Once she was gone, I freaked.. I never did get over it, per se.. I kinda went around it, but I was still crying at the beginning of this year, pretty regularly.. I lost all of 09.. I remember things that happened but... It left a mark..
Enjoy the friendship with her. That's the part that gets you through the days when it's hard.
I can't not ramble talking about it, it seems.. Sorry.. We were so blessed..
Anyway.. Thank you..
(I can't imagine it either, and it is an abyss all its own..)