Classic joke thread...

[Badgersmilk]

Fifty Years of Math 1957 - 2007 (in the USA )

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $ 2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters , but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )

6. Teaching Math In 2010

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

[Hazcat]

Badger.....................................


Where's the joke?





  for my country.

[mudman]

Here we go,there we went,here we are ,eatin sh#t sandwiches & barking at the moon.     

[Badgersmilk]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1cgHEWG-BA&feature=dir

[Hazcat]

Dear friends,

I received this medical tip from a dear friend [not a physician]; I thought it might help you, too.

If you're bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:  "My financial and personal well-being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd and Al Gore."
 
If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably in need of dynamite!

[Sponsor]

[tt11758]

Dear friends,

I received this medical tip from a dear friend [not a physician]; I thought it might help you, too.

If you're bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:  "My financial and personal well-being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd and Al Gore."
 
If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably in need of dynamite!

Haz, where's the joke?

[Hazcat]

Haz, where's the joke?

HEY!  That's MY line!

[tt11758]

HEY!  That's MY line!

You missed your cue, so SOMEBODY had to step in and utter it.       

[Hazcat]

You missed your cue, so SOMEBODY had to step in and utter it.      

Well, I never was much good at pool. 

Thats right POOL, that starts with a 'P' and rhymes with "t" and that stands for trouble!  Right here in Rivercity...............

[philw]

REASONS TO DATE A SHOOTER


Rifle:
-We actually practice wearing leather
-We have stamina to keep shooting and shooting and shooting and shooting....
-Mine are 6in and 10in, would you like one, the other, or both?
it's detachable, so you can change your mind later
-Have you ever heard of a butt hook?
-We're used to 20min for prone, 30min for kneeling, and 40min for standing. 30min for sitting (for USA shooting)
-Our whole purpose in life is to put it in the same hole again, and again, and again, and again, and again...and again
-We're perfectly willing to be strapped to something
-We have very steady hands
-We have quick trigger fingers
-We're used to doing things under a time frame
-Standard length is 26in
-We can adjust anything you need or possibly want- and then some, so it's ok to just tell us how to do it
- We do it for hours on end.
- We're hot no matter what time of the year it is.
-We have stiffness tests regularly
- We have great rhythm
- our guns are so big, we need standing to hold them up when we aren't using them
-No matter how bad the day, we still score.
- during finals, we like it loud as possible
-We always keep our equipment well lubricated

Pistol:
-We do rapid fire
- Short but fast
- We're good without a bunch of equipment
-We do precision and rapid fire; whichever you like.
-we can shoot 5 shots in 4 seconds
-We do it with one hand
- Did anyone ever tell you, good things come in small packages?

Shotgun:
- We like things fast
- We're used to things shooting out fast
- Skeet Skeet!... enough said.
- We won't mount until things start going
- We move into different positions after every shot (trap) or every few shots (skeet), so nothing gets boring- we're all for change
- We can hit more than one target at one go when asked
-On a good day we get at least twenty birds. On a bad day, at least 10.
-we have good spread pattern
-we never fire blanks
-we always love to have a bang

Fullbore:
-we like to do it outdoors whatever the weather
-Standard length is 30 inches
-We can score from over 1000 yards away
-Some times it involves three people at once
-We have about 5000 joules worth of power in our hands
-We let other people touch our weapons and twiddle our knobs
-We have no problem with being submissive and letting others do the thinking
-We also like to change roles
-We have a target numbered 69
-When we do it we do if for a whole weekend, ALL weekend

Benchrest:
-the slight touch sets us off
-we will go to great lengths to be accurate
- we're all for new toys
-no need to feel ashamed for being small, we enjoy the challenge!
-with our optics, no matter how small we will find it