Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1366104 times)

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5180 on: November 27, 2018, 12:22:58 PM »
 8)
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5181 on: December 05, 2018, 06:41:33 PM »
 :)
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5182 on: December 17, 2018, 10:48:19 PM »
 :)
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

billt

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5183 on: December 22, 2018, 06:01:29 AM »
A plane is on its way to Washington DC, when Democrat Ocasio Cortez in
economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits
down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the future congresswoman that she paid for economy class
and that she will have to sit in the back.

Cortez replies, "i'm a Democrat, i'm beautiful, i'm Socialist, i'm going
to dc and i'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is a Democrat bimbo sitting in first class, that
belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Cortez and tries to explain that because she
only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to economy.

Cortez replies, "i'm a Democrat, i'm beautiful, i'm Socialist, i'm going
to DC and i'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest the future congresswoman who won't
listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she is a Democrat Socialist? i’ll handle this,
i'm married to a liberal. i speak Socialist."

He goes back to the Democrat and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh,
i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said
to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her, 'first class isn't going to DC."

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5184 on: December 27, 2018, 09:55:47 PM »
I have a reputation around here for being a real bad@$$. When people see me walking down the sidewalk they cross the street to stay out of my way. My neighbors all know I was in prison for 20 years. Fortunately for me they don't know why, and I'm embarrassed to tell anyone the truth. You know those little tags on mattresses, pillows, etc. that say, "This tag may not be removed under penalty of law"? They take that chit very seriously.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5185 on: Today at 09:38:29 PM »

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5185 on: December 28, 2018, 03:49:02 PM »
My hand fell asleep today. Now it's going to be up all night.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5186 on: December 29, 2018, 11:39:48 AM »
My hand fell asleep today. Now it's going to be up all night.

"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5187 on: December 29, 2018, 06:20:45 PM »
The farce is strong in this one.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5188 on: December 30, 2018, 03:56:04 PM »
 8)
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5189 on: January 04, 2019, 12:26:13 PM »
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”
“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

 

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