Bush's Resignation Speech - Tongue in Cheek

[pops1911]

Here's an interesting tidbit from 1911TechTalk:


BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH

The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maine-iac [a
resident of the People's Republic of Maine]. While satirical in nature, all
satire must have a basis in fact to be effective.
This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living.


The speech George W. Bush might give:


Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time.
If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are
anymore.
I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow
Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit, effectively immediately. Now
before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment,
or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you:
There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.


The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in
the world.  Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours.
And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure
it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media.


Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too
damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased
demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy
idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your
economic security.  Ask them why we don t have more nuclear power plants,
oil refineries, and off-shore drilling.
We face real threats in the world.  Don't give me this 'blood for oil'
thing.  If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's
oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell.
And don't give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the
liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted
in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that
the intelligence was faulty.


Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official
US policy before I came into office.
Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know
that, did you?

Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should
attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make
peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing
that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel
to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give
welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote
to re-elect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel.
Did you sleep through high school?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.


That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die.
That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of
you with them as they can.
But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the
globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got
no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'


Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should
last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as
well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on
NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter.
Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out,
 even if you're not smart enough to leave a city that's below sea level and
has a hurricane approaching.


I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from.
 But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right
over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford, TX before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here, pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again.
Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of
America fall.


Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too.
               That means Nancy Pelosi is your new President. You asked for
it.
Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that
there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this
thing around in 2008.

So that's it.  God bless what's left of America.

Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss  off.


PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.