Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

Better than a Flu
Shot! 
 Miss Beatrice,
The church organist,
Was in her eighties
And had never been married. She was
Admired for her sweetness
And kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed him
Into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while
She prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old   Hammond 
Organ,
The young minister
Noticed a  cute glass
Bowl Sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled
With water, and in the
Water
Floated, of all things, a
Condom!
When she returned
With tea and
Scones,
They began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his
Curiosity
About the bowl of water and its
Strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
Resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about
This?'


                  Pointing to the bowl.


'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it
Wonderful?
I was walking through
The Park a few months ago
And I found this little package on the
Ground.
The directions said
To place it on the organ,
Keep it wet and that it would prevent
The spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.

[Badgersmilk]

Does this guy not know an AR target when he see's one?!?

Find that pistol laying on a street in Harlem?

[PegLeg45]

No that's statuary rape.

And what's the statute of limitations?          



I know, GROAN.   

[Bill Stryker]

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed
off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he
were brown like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators
for one thing.

Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her,
"Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired
of being so visible to predators and such.

The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says, "Abracapokus!
You're brown!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown except for his package,
which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother, "Wait a minute! My
pecker's still yellow!"

To this the fairy godmother replies, "I don't do willies. You will have
to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."

The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck
would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores
her, "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of
the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot
me from a mile off."

She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says,
"Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception
of the ol' twig and berries. They remain purple. He says: "My wang is
still purple!"

She says,"I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for
that."

To this the bear replies, "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I
find The Wizard of Oz?"

The fairy godmother answers, "That's easy...
just follow the.......


YELLOW PRICK TOAD!"

 

[MinotBob]

Montana Cowboy

 
A young, good looking Cowboy walked into a drug store in Montana and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store,
there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.

The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss,
he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The cowboy then agreed and began by saying,
'This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. 
It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'

The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.'
 
When she returned, she said, We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows:

1/3 ownership in the store,
A company pickup truck, and
$3,000 a month living expenses

[Sponsor]

[seeker_two]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.  "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"  "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"  I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."  So here I am.

[Pathfinder]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.  "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"  "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"  I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."  So here I am.

Not again!!!!!! And scrolling this time? Is that somehow supposed to make it funny again? ? ? ?   

[tombogan03884]

 Path, I think that's a "running joke"     

[david86440]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.  "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"  "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"  I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."  So here I am.

 Path, I think that's a "running joke"     

Good one Tom........

[PegLeg45]

this place is ever the riot...........................................yes?