Classic joke thread...

[1911 Junkie]

That won't work on Bawney Fwank. 

[PegLeg45]

A little clean humor:



And just for you, Haz.......  

[TAB]

I'm sure there is a redneck joke here somewhere.

[PegLeg45]

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. 
The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.   

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'   

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. 
Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content..'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York, so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
   
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.

Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'   

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.

He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding.  I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place?  Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor......?
 

[seeker_two]

Not again!!!!!! And scrolling this time? Is that somehow supposed to make it funny again? ? ? ?    

Don't you get it?.....

 ....it's the running joke....  
EDIT:  Looks like everyone else did, too.... 

[Sponsor]

[tt11758]

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. 
The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.   

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'   

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. 
Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content..'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York, so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
   
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.

Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'   

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.

He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding.  I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place?  Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was the aggressor......?
 

Semper Fi!!!   

[tombogan03884]

  There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!

  The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity
  Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas Season.

  This isn't for any religious reason!

  They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in
  the Nation's Capital.

  A Search for a Virgin continues..

  There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill
the stable !!!!!!!!

[MikeBjerum]

  There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!

  The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity
  Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas Season.

  This isn't for any religious reason!

  They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in
  the Nation's Capital.

  A Search for a Virgin continues..

  There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill
the stable !!!!!!!!

You have a terribly hard time remembering the difference between facts and jokes 

[PegLeg45]

This guy has the right idea for easy holiday decorations.   

[Johnny Bravo]

Better than a Flu Shot!
 

   Miss Beatrice,

The church organist,

Was in her eighties

And had never been married. She was
admired for her sweetness

And kindness to all.
 

One afternoon the pastor

Came to call on her and she showed him &

into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old   Hammond   
organ,

The young minister

Noticed a   cute glass
bowl Sitting on top of it.
 

The bowl was filled

With water, and in the
water
Floated, of all things, a
condom!

When she returned

With tea and
scones,

They began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity

About the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,

'I wonder if you would tell me about
this?' Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it
wonderful?

I was walking through

The Park a few months ago

And I found this s little package on the
ground.

The directions said

To place it on the organ,

Keep it wet and that it would prevent
the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.