Classic joke thread...

[ellis4538]

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.  Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"  She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.  Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."   

[tombogan03884]

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.  Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"  She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.  Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."  

My Co workers are gonna LOVE that one 

[ellis4538]

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."
 

[Teresa Heilevang]

How Men Can Screw Up A Romantic Evening...

 

[Teresa Heilevang]

Bud Light............

[Sponsor]

[MikeBjerum]

How Men Can Screw Up A Romantic Evening...

 

Ah yes ... The Halloways auditioning for the latest American Standard commercial 

[Teresa Heilevang]

The difference ....She's a brunette  and I'm blond... but........................
The rest of it is pretty much right on target..
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[ellis4538]

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and fi nally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attach ed to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . Please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

[MikeBjerum]

SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out

making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of

gas. As luck would have it, an Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

 

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The

attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out,

but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on

the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her

car.

 

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas

and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always

resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station,

filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across

the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

[MikeBjerum]

My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'


 
 
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'


We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
 
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'



My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! ........You could learn a lot from him.'


We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
In capital letters,
 
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
 

 

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'
 





My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.