Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1365831 times)

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #700 on: July 15, 2008, 02:29:28 AM »
ROFL ;D
  This is probably true. There are MANY stories about Gen. Grey. A young W.M. (Woman Marine) was trying to get home last Christmas but her flight was over booked and she got bumped. An older gentleman heard her problem and offered her a ride in his plane, she got home for Christmas and the General gained another admirer ;D
Gen. Grey is a GREAT Marine, and a truly GREAT American !

Ocin

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #701 on: July 15, 2008, 05:47:54 AM »
Are you too dependant on your computer?

A simple question to test that:

Are you a boy or a girl?
Answer: pls. look down.



























































I told you to LOOK down, not SCROLL down!
Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest.
Gandhi, An Autobiography, p. 446 (Beacon Press paperback edition)

Teresa Heilevang

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #702 on: July 15, 2008, 06:37:02 PM »
;D Ya got me on that one.  ;)




       THE PROBLEM WITH HIGH URINALS

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
 
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their privates to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.  Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in the fourth grade.'
 
HE REPLIED: 'No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today.
"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #703 on: July 16, 2008, 01:15:08 PM »
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes
through a severe storm.  The turbulence is awful,
and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
struck by lightning. One woman in particular
loses it.


 Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
'I'm too young to die,' she wails. Then
she yells, 'Well, if I'm going to die, I want
my last minutes on earth to be  memorable! Is
there anyone on this plane who can make me feel
like a WOMAN?'


For a moment there is silence. Everyone has
forgotten their own peril. They all stare,
riveted, at the desperate woman in the front
of the plane.


Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the
rear of the plane.  He is handsome: tall,
well built, with dark brown hair and hazel
eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle,
unsnaping his shirt.


 One snap at a time........

 No one moves..................

 He removes his shirt................

 Muscles ripple across his chest..........

 She gasps....................


 He whispers................

'Iron this...then get me a beer.' :D



I know, I know, I am going to catch heck from Marshal'ette. ;D

brosometal

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #704 on: July 16, 2008, 05:14:01 PM »
That is kind of like when those Northeastern DJ's went to a Hillary rally and were yelling, "Iron my shirt"!  I still laugh at the audio from that one. ;D
The person who has nothing for which his is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
- J.S. Mill

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #705 on: Today at 04:32:30 AM »

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #705 on: July 17, 2008, 04:01:32 PM »
Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?
I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #706 on: July 19, 2008, 01:36:44 PM »
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day there he takes off his clothes and
starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man
immediately


erection, comes over to  him and
says, 'Did you call for me?'  The man replies, 'No, what do
you mean?'

She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain.
It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies
you called for me.'
b
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming
pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her
and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.
Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the
steam room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says
the hairy man.  'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.
'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule
that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over
a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where
he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist,
'May I help you?' she says.

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can
have the key back and you can keep the $5000
membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a
few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our
facilities.'

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old.
I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day.' :D

WE DON'T STOP PLAYING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD...

WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP PLAYING....

Teresa Heilevang

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #707 on: July 22, 2008, 03:17:51 PM »
"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #708 on: July 22, 2008, 03:31:38 PM »
HOT  DAMN !!!
Anything endorsed by Larry the Cable Guy is a must have !!!

Just can't figure out whether to order the beer belly or the wine rack first  ;D
If I appear taller than other men it is because I am standing on the shoulders of others.

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #709 on: July 22, 2008, 08:38:54 PM »
Whew  :P

Wifey almost had to call the ambulance to take care of my seizures  :o

I was looking at the cooler scooter and saw it had a weight limit of 200#  :'(

Thank God they have the 500 rated for 300# and have also come out with the gas rated for 350#  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I was really concerned that this full figure guy was going to have to go without and actually have to carry his brew.
If I appear taller than other men it is because I am standing on the shoulders of others.

 

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