Classic joke thread...

[kmitch200]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar....
Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that?  I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! 
As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?' 

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 

'What a coincidence,' says the man.  'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 

'That's great!' says the woman.  'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

[JC5123]

[Ichiban]

That whole posting pictures thing just isn't working out for you today, is it?

[JC5123]

That whole posting pictures thing just isn't working out for you today, is it?

I don't understand it either, because they show up on both my work computer and my home one too. But fine, I will indulge.

[ellis4538]

Not their fault...you said it!!!!!  LOL


Richard

[Sponsor]

[JC5123]

 Daughter

 

     

    Last night my daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance, stop paying my college tuition, rent out my room, throw all my clothes out the window, take my t.v., stereo, i-phone, i-pad, and jewelry and give it to charity.  Sell my car and take my house key, and throw me out of the house."

     

    Well, she didn't exactly say it like that.  She said, "Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."!!!...............

[tt11758]

The Penis Poem 
 
  My nookie days are over, 
  My pilot light is out. 
  What used to be my sex appeal, 
  Is now my water spout. 
  Time was when, on its own accord, 
  From my trousers it would spring. 
  But now I've got a full time job, 
  To find the f***in' thing. 
  It used to be embarrassing, 
  The way it would behave. 
  For every single morning, 
  It would stand and watch me shave. 
  Now as old age approaches, 
  It sure gives me the blues. 
  To see it hang its little head, 
  And watch me tie my shoes!!     

[TAB]

The red dot

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice.

[Teresa Heilevang]

There was a knock on the door this morning. I opened it to find
a young man standing there who said: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the shit out of me, I've never gotten this far before."
 

 
 

 
 

[Timothy]