Classic joke thread...

[tt11758]

[tt11758]

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.

I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, Kathy is watching from the kitchen window,

Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,

'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

[Badgersmilk]

For an extra $59.99 we offer our new "subliminal message pattern"...  




Found to be most effective on blondes in Poland.

[PegLeg45]

"YOU MIGHT BE A MUSLIM IF..."
 
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. Your cousin is president of the United States
11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.

[tt11758]

The following is stolen borrowed from Sheriff Jim Wilson:


Q)  Why don't women play pro football?

A)  You could never get 11 of them to wear the same outfit.

[Sponsor]

[Solus]

The following is stolen borrowed from Sheriff Jim Wilson:


Q)  Why don't women play pro football?

A)  You could never get 11 of them to wear the same outfit.

     I was thinking something similar the other day. 

If two men showed up someplace with the same outfit, it would be a"bonding" event.  They'd be laughing as they complimented each other on their taste in clothes, maybe ask how much they paid for it, looking for good buys, and discuss other sources of gear.

[PegLeg45]

   I was thinking something similar the other day. 

If two men showed up someplace with the same outfit, it would be a"bonding" event.  They'd be laughing as they complimented each other on their taste in clothes, maybe ask how much they paid for it, looking for good buys, and discuss other sources of gear.

And if it were two women, they'd be arching their backs, hissing, spitting...and then it'd be on like frozen neck bones.......

[rat31465]

"it'd be on like frozen neck bones." 
That is a new one for me.

[red364]

Tolerance

 
I am shocked that so many Americans are against building a mosque near Ground Zero.
We should allow it, but in order to promote tolerance.......

I propose that a gay nightclub be opened next door to the mosque to promote

tolerance in the mosque.   We could call it "The Turban

Cowboy" or "You Mecca Me Hot". 



Next door on the other side, could be a butcher shop that specializes in pork

and pork products, and makes a nice lunchtime pulled pork sandwich. 
 


Then across the street, a very daring lingerie store, called "Victoria

Keeps Nothing Secret.



And of course, what area wouldn't be complete without a three girl nudie

carwash called The Three Mosqueteers



And, skin heads & white supremacists would be renting a store front

tattoo parlor just above the butcher shop, which would of course be just a few

feet down from the Armed Forces Recruiting Office  just a step or two from

the VA administration office


 


To make the neighborhood and street complete I also propose that we build the

largest Southern Baptist Church in the country with shared parking with the

mosque, which must allow use of their parking lot for old fashioned tent

revivals.


 


You know....just to promote that, tolerance thing!


 


Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Hells Angels are looking for a new area for

a clubhouseare you thinking what I’m thinking?

Yep, I know the perfect area.


 


Hey, just trying to promote that tolerance thing. I’m a good person

who has concern for my fellow citizens what can I say?


 


If your tolerance promoting is similar to mine then by all means pass this

along, especially to  politicians everywhere.


 


Signed,


 


Bubba Ray Smith, TPM (tolerance promoting manager)


The good ole US of A


 


*This message was made in America

without harming any cats or dogs or fish or horses, or

cows or chickens or pigs or ferrets.


 


PS: Gosh I love this country. Wish everybody did.

[ellis4538]

Best idea I've heard in a long time...ya got my vote!

Richard

PS:  Ain't TOLERANCE grand!!!!!!!