« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 310 311 [312] 313 314 ... 590   Go Down

Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1368964 times)

SwoopSJ

  • November 12, 1978 - November 2, 2011
  • DRTV Rangers
  • Top Forum Member
  • *
  • Posts: 690
  • Love thy neighbor.
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3110 on: August 21, 2010, 11:15:44 AM »
Dealing with legal proceedings which would inspire such admiration for lawyers, Peg?  Thanks for the verbal ammo.  I'll have to "unload" on a couple of my attorney friends. 

Swoop
Logged
"...to preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them..."  --Richard H. Lee

crusader rabbit

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2710
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 26
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3111 on: August 21, 2010, 11:32:57 AM »
Another lawyer joke...

Why do lawyers wear a tie to court?
If they don't, their foreskin pops up over their eyes and they can't see.
Logged
“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

tt11758

  • Noolis bastardis carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down)
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5821
  • DRTV Ranger ~
    • 10-Ring Firearms Training
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 7
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3112 on: August 21, 2010, 08:17:37 PM »
Q)  What do lawyers use for birth control?

A) Their personalities.
Logged
I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!

PegLeg45

  • NRA Life, SAF, Constitutionalist
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13079
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1048
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3113 on: August 22, 2010, 07:49:53 AM »
Quote from: SwoopSJ on August 21, 2010, 11:15:44 AM
Dealing with legal proceedings which would inspire such admiration for lawyers, Peg?  Thanks for the verbal ammo.  I'll have to "unload" on a couple of my attorney friends. 

Swoop


Not me personally (mine actually worked things out to my benefit, while taking a loss himself = very rare).
My brother, on the other hand, has been on a 4-year roller-coaster ride with a few that have not had his best interests in mind (think 'stringing things along for their own financial gain' type thoughts here).
Logged
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

rat31465

  • Jack of all Trades, Master of none.
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 256
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3114 on: August 22, 2010, 10:07:31 AM »
Q:  Whats the best way to kill an attorney?
A: Slam the Toilet stool lid on his head when he's getting a drink of water.

Attorneys are like Assholes...the only one you ever want to hear from is your own.
Logged
"Get yourself a Glock and Lose that Nickle Plated Sissy Pistol."
Sam Gerard

Sponsor

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3115 on: Today at 07:22:45 AM »
Logged

red364

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 582
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 6
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3115 on: August 23, 2010, 10:37:13 AM »
Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?


Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a
sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to
the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins
showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our
fins showing."
 And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat
them all at first?"
Why did we swim around and around them?

His wise father replied,

"Because they taste better once we scare the shit  outta 'em!"
Logged

Bill Stryker

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 727
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3116 on: August 23, 2010, 01:42:35 PM »
I recently applied for a building permit for a new house.  It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it green with pink trim. The City Council told me to go to hell.
 
So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.
 
Work starts on Monday.
Logged

Bic

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 833
  • It's just a pen name...
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3117 on: August 23, 2010, 03:53:32 PM »
Dave drowned, so we got him a nice floral tribute in the shape of a lifebelt, well........it's what he would have wanted.
Logged
Best Wishes, Mike.

Majer

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1756
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 70
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3118 on: August 24, 2010, 06:40:44 PM »
The end of civilization...


Logged
"If violent crime is to be curbed, it is only the intended victim who can do it. The felon does not fear the police, and he fears neither judge nor jury. Therefore what he must be taught to fear is his victim." - Jeff Cooper
Pericles--"Freedom is only for those who have the guts to defend it".

The problem with society today is that not enough of us drink wine from our enemies skulls”.

It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 3 for proper trigger squeeze.

Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars!!!
-Sheriff Jim Wilson
"When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty" Thomas Jefferson
Es gibt keine Notwendigkeit zu befürchten, Underdog hier ist.
Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage. Where are we now??????

tt11758

  • Noolis bastardis carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down)
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5821
  • DRTV Ranger ~
    • 10-Ring Firearms Training
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 7
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3119 on: August 24, 2010, 09:24:12 PM »
Quote from: Majer on August 24, 2010, 06:40:44 PM
The end of civilization...




That is wrong on SO many levels.....................
Logged
I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!
Pages: 1 ... 310 311 [312] 313 314 ... 590   Go Up
« previous next »
 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk