Classic joke thread...

[Teresa Heilevang]

Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Walmart.

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on.  You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
 
 
In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
 
 
In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different  shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.  Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
 


In your 50's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat  The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.  Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got  Worms .'
 

In your 60's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  No need for a hat anymore.  Hose the dog shit off your shoes.  The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.  You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't  have your glasses on so you are not sure.
 

In your 70's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too.  Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
 


In your 80's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart.  Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.   You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

[tt11758]

Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Walmart.

.

Damn!!  I've jumped from my 50's right into my 80's!!   

[ellis4538]

Marshal'ette you got to put a warning on stuff like that, especially for us guys over 60!

Richard

[Timothy]

Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat  The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.  Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got  Worms .'

I DO love to fish!      

[Teresa Heilevang]

I DO love to fish!      

Well then worms or no worms.. you got my heart! 

[Sponsor]

[Timothy]

Well then worms or no worms.. you got my heart! 

[PegLeg45]

Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and then asked, 'How does that feel'?
He  replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!'

      

[tt11758]

Well then worms or no worms.. you got my heart! 

Who gets the rest of ya?       





Yes ma'am, I'm headed to the corner.

[PegLeg45]

Who gets the rest of ya?       





Yes ma'am, I'm headed to the corner.

Anyone ever re-stock the cheez-wiz?

 

[tt11758]

Anyone ever re-stock the cheez-wiz?

 

I'm waiting for M'ette to bring it over.  It's DARK in the corner.