Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1368397 times)

Badgersmilk

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3220 on: September 27, 2010, 07:13:55 PM »

Badgersmilk

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3221 on: September 27, 2010, 08:46:58 PM »
Which one of you is this???


Badgersmilk

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3222 on: September 27, 2010, 08:50:27 PM »



Majer

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3223 on: September 29, 2010, 09:40:35 AM »
Kids books you will never see...


You Were an Accident

Strangers Have the Best Candy

The Little Sissy Who Snitched

Some Kittens Can Fly!

Getting More Chocolate on Your Face

Where Would You Like to be Buried?

Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

The ADD Association's Book of Wild Animals and...Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!

All Dogs Go to Hell

The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?

Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

Bi-Curious George

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

You Are Different and That's Bad

Dad's New Wife Timothy

Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

Testing Home-made Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets

The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad

Babar Meets the Taxidermist

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Moms Purse

The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead

How To Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School

Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear
"If violent crime is to be curbed, it is only the intended victim who can do it. The felon does not fear the police, and he fears neither judge nor jury. Therefore what he must be taught to fear is his victim." - Jeff Cooper
Pericles--"Freedom is only for those who have the guts to defend it".

The problem with society today is that not enough of us drink wine from our enemies skulls”.

It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 3 for proper trigger squeeze.

Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars!!!
-Sheriff Jim Wilson
"When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty" Thomas Jefferson
Es gibt keine Notwendigkeit zu befürchten, Underdog hier ist.
Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage. Where are we now??????

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3224 on: September 29, 2010, 11:23:12 AM »
Kids books you will never see...


You Were an Accident

Strangers Have the Best Candy

The Little Sissy Who Snitched

Some Kittens Can Fly!

Getting More Chocolate on Your Face

Where Would You Like to be Buried?

Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

The ADD Association's Book of Wild Animals and...Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!

All Dogs Go to Hell

The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?

Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

Bi-Curious George

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

You Are Different and That's Bad

Dad's New Wife Timothy

Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

Testing Home-made Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets

The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad

Babar Meets the Taxidermist

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Moms Purse

The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead

How To Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School

Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear


I wish you had posted this in May, some of those would have been on my summer reading list.   ;D

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3225 on: Today at 05:17:53 PM »

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3225 on: September 29, 2010, 12:14:03 PM »
Kids books you will never see...


Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Testing Home-made Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy


My favorites....  ;D ....funny stuff Majer.  :D
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Steyr M40A1

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3226 on: September 30, 2010, 07:06:00 AM »
Top 9 Lesser known Dr Seuss books (only because I cant remember #10)
The grinch that stole Columbus day
Horton hires a hoe
Who shat in the hat
My pocket rocket needs a socket
The cat in the blender
The grinch's 10inches
Your colon can moo, can you
Oh the places you scratch and sniff
Fox in detox
Richard Cook

"Keep your booger hook off the bang switch" -Babj615 Steyrclub.com

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb deciding what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb." Benjamin Franklin

ratcatcher55

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3227 on: October 01, 2010, 10:14:53 AM »
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in   Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well-known for  its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, ' Do you have a license to catch those fish? '


' Naw, sir ' , replied the redneck.  ' I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish. '

' Pet fish? '

' Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let '  em swim ' round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take ' em home. '

' That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that. '

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said,  ' It's the  truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works. '

' O. K.. ' , said the warden. ' I've got to see this! '

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, ' Well? '

' Well, what? ' , says the redneck.

The warden says, ' When are you going to call them back? '

' Call who back? '

' The FISH ' , replied the warden!

' What fish? ' , replied the redneck.


Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.



tt11758

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3228 on: October 01, 2010, 11:49:49 AM »
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member, 'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit, now it's called The Box Office.'

I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!

ratcatcher55

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3229 on: October 05, 2010, 09:57:31 AM »
"Elk Sex"
 
 Two guys are drinking in a bar.
 
 One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
 
 "Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!"       

 

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