Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1367602 times)

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1760 on: April 23, 2009, 11:48:39 AM »
Dear Mr. President:

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Americas economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:


There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:


1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.


It can't get any easier than that!

If more money is needed, have all members of Congress pay their taxes...

"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Hazcat

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1761 on: April 23, 2009, 12:01:28 PM »
Dear Mr. President:

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Americas economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:


There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:


1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.


It can't get any easier than that!

If more money is needed, have all members of Congress pay their taxes...



Count me in!
All tipoes and misspelings are copi-righted.  Pleeze do not reuse without ritten persimmons  :D

Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1762 on: April 23, 2009, 01:01:06 PM »
Sorry guys....

thats $40,000,000,000,000.00 dollars....(40 trillion)...we don't have enough money....I got five bucks in my pocket if anyone needs it...

1,000,000 x 40,000,000 = 40,000,000,000,000   :'(

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1763 on: April 23, 2009, 01:06:06 PM »
Sorry guys....

thats $40,000,000,000,000.00 dollars....(40 trillion)...we don't have enough money....I got five bucks in my pocket if anyone needs it...

1,000,000 x 40,000,000 = 40,000,000,000,000   :'(

Hell it was worth a try........... besides, I just got it in an email...........

which is why it ended up in the joke area.........


I ain't old enough to collect anyway....

damn.... :'(



 ;D  ;D

"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1764 on: April 23, 2009, 02:24:43 PM »
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.   
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.



The moral of the story?



If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!

 
Have A Nice Day & Be Careful With Your Donkey   ;)
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1765 on: Today at 08:28:02 PM »

Hazcat

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1765 on: April 23, 2009, 02:37:57 PM »




If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!

 
Have A Nice Day & Be Careful With Your Donkey   ;)

Don't worry Brosometal, we like haveing you around.  ;)
All tipoes and misspelings are copi-righted.  Pleeze do not reuse without ritten persimmons  :D

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1766 on: April 23, 2009, 05:43:52 PM »
There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.
He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do.'
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'
Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!'.
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of me. She will get the disease that I just caught. When mom and dad get back, dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when dad gets home from the babysitters, he and mom will go to bed and have sex, and mom will catch it. In the morning when dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with mom and catch the disease...and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my frog."

"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1767 on: April 23, 2009, 06:45:12 PM »
I'm not sure who this woman is, but she claims that she knows some of you guys.............


"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

1911 Junkie

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1768 on: April 23, 2009, 06:56:29 PM »
She's exagerating. :'(
"I'd love to spit some Beechnut in that dudes eye and shoot him with my old .45"  Hank Jr.

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1769 on: April 23, 2009, 07:02:34 PM »
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

 

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