Classic joke thread...

[Hazcat]

Was that Haz at about the 1:16 mark?
 

Yep!  That rock back in the chair acts like a super shooter. 

[PegLeg45]

Did the same thing off the tailgate of a pick-up truck.......once....

[bjc1369]

Three old Texas railroad men were talking about the biggest rattlesnake they ever saw.

The first one said: "Yeah, I remember one time on the Quanah run back in '45, a snake was laying across the tracks and when we ran over it, we could feel the engine jump like we was going over a speed bump."

The second one said: "Oh yeah, that warnt no snake.  On the Panhandle run in '42, a snake rared up and bit one of the drive wheels.  It swole up so much that we had to grind off 43 pounds of iron to make it round again."

The third one said: "Hell, those warnt no snakes.  On the Amarillo run in '46, we saw a snake laying beside the tracks.  It was so big that...uh...well it was about...uh...it must'a been at least...uh...hell, we really couldn't figure out how big it was, but its a**hole weighed a thousand pounds."

[Big Frank]

It's getting deep in here.

Did you hear about the Texan who was so big that when he died they couldn't find a casket big enough for him? They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.





To my friends in Texas; I don't write 'em, I just repeat 'em.

[Teresa Heilevang]

hahahaha.. Love it!!

[Sponsor]

[Hazcat]

Ya know how to find Texas?

Go West til ya smell $h!t...that's Oklahoma...

Turn South an go til ya step in $h!t....That's Texas!!



Just kiddin' y'all.

[m25operator]

Me too

 Welcome To Texas          MP3 Excerpt
Brian Burns - (C)opr. 1999 - Brian Burns Music (BMI)

Welcome to Texas, glad that you came down,
you’ve got lots of friends here, take a look around.
They come from California, they come from Ohio,
they come from Minnesota to get out of the snow.

You don’t like our drivin’, you don’t like our roads,
you make fun of the way we talk, make fun of our clothes,
but you clog up our highways, been pourin’ in for years;
if you don’t like the way we do it, what are you doin’ here?

CHORUS:
Welcome to Texas, don’t anybody get me wrong;
we’re glad y’all came to see us, just don’t forget to go back home.

We don’t need your politics, we don’t need your prayers,
we don’t need your moral compass leadin’ us anywhere.
We don’t need your business, we don’t need your art,
we don’t really give a damn how you did things up north.

REPEAT CHORUS

You gripe about our music, gripe about our food,
gripe about the weather here, say it’s way too hot for you.
We hear all your whinin’, and it starts wearin’ thin
when we see our milk and honey runnin’ down your chin.

So come on down to Texas, have yourself a ball,
take the kids to Six Flags, and the wife out to the mall.
Have a good vacation, but then don’t hesitate
to point your car back up the road to that outbound interstate.

Welcome to Texas, don't anybody get me wrong, glad y'all came to see us, just DON'T FORGET TO GO BACK HOME!

[tombogan03884]

Another great idea ! Lets rag on the guys and gals from the state where "He needed it" is legal grounds for shooting some one. Then the survivors can go back to picking on M'ette 

[Big Frank]

Yer onner. He jes need killin'.
Case dismissed. 


I like Texas justice but I was always glad to go back home.

[bjc1369]

OK, the railroad joke really stirred up a hornet's nest.  Try this one.

Three Aggies were invited to a Christmas costume party.  Each guest was to dress in a Christmas-oriented theme.  All three came in wearing long asbestos coats with yellow striping along the bottom and sides, upside down oxygen bottles on their backs hooked to full-face breathing masks.  Each had a big red fireman's helmet, big rubber boots, and an axe.

The host of the party looked at them and went crazy.  "What are you guys doing?  This is a Christmas costume party.  You're supposed to be dressed in a Christmas theme costume.  You guys really blew it this time."

One of the Aggies said: "We are dressed as Christmas characters.  We'er the 3 Wise Men."

The host replied: "What?  You're dressed as firemen.  How can that be a Christmas theme?"

The Aggie said: "You really ought to read the Bible a bit closer.  It says right there in the Good Book that the 3 Wise Men came from a far."