Classic joke thread...

[tt11758]

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.  Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.  He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.   Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath.  With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. " But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment,  and the therapist suggested I do "somethin' sexy to a tractor'.

[sledgemeister]

NSFW - language warning

[Steyr M40A1]

What was that? A bird, deer, or what?


Edit:
OH, I read the comments on YouTube and still cant really see it but its funny!

[crusader rabbit]

I couldn't tell, either.  

Whatever it was, being upside down at a high rate of speed is not a favorable position.  

And, I must admit, I speak for some experience.  I REALLY didn't like it.

[sledgemeister]

Its the weekend you can have a laugh now....


In the beginning..............

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the second Day.
On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day.
On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day.
On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day.
On the Fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day.
On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day.
On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good. well almost good. God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bloody great! IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!

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Two drovers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

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Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, "F##k that!" Knowing my luck, I'd win one!

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What"s the difference between a refugee and ET?

ET looked better, smelled better, learnt English, didn't claim benefits, had his own f@$king bike and wanted to go home!

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Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while?  My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.  It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"

[Sponsor]

[Solus]

Its the weekend you can have a laugh now....

Two drovers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."
 

I think I need a translation in this one?

[sledgemeister]

I think I need a translation in this one?

I dunno I though you guys spoke english LOL

Two ranchers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ahh. I'm takin' a herd of 6000 from Dallas to Fortworth." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."


Root is another word for having a bonk, a screw, sex, intercourse, doing the deed, horizontal tango etc. So when he says what route your taking (ie which way are you travelling to get there), the other guy thought he meant what woman are you taking to have sex with.

[Solus]

I dunno I though you guys spoke english LOL

Two ranchers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ahh. I'm takin' a herd of 6000 from Dallas to Fortworth." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."


Root is another word for having a bonk, a screw, sex, intercourse, doing the deed, horizontal tango etc. So when he says what route your taking (ie which way are you travelling to get there), the other guy thought he meant what woman are you taking to have sex with.

Ahhh...thanks...it was the root that I didn't know....   I was pretty sure I deciphered the rest of it...but wasn't sure cause you never can be what with yous involved 

[Pathfinder]

I dunno I though you guys spoke english LOL

Two ranchers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ahh. I'm takin' a herd of 6000 from Dallas to Fortworth "Galveston"." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."


Root is another word for having a bonk, a screw, sex, intercourse, doing the deed, horizontal tango etc. So when he says what route your taking (ie which way are you travelling to get there), the other guy thought he meant what woman are you taking to have sex with.

Thanks for the translation. We do speak English here, not sure what form of dialect you blokes speak tho! 

I also updated your travel destination to keep it more in tune with the actual distance traveled with those 2 Aussie cities, and the fact that Gympie is near the coast.

Am I over-analyzing the joke? ? ? ? ? ? ? 

[Solus]

Thanks for the translation. We do speak English here, not sure what form of dialect you blokes speak tho! 

I also updated your travel destination to keep it more in tune with the actual distance traveled with those 2 Aussie cities, and the fact that Gympie is near the coast.

Am I over-analyzing the joke? ? ? ? ? ? ? 

You won't hear me say much about over analyzing