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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1368347 times)

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1560 on: March 07, 2009, 12:21:22 PM »
Those are some they really SHOULD print !  ;D
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THE CORONER

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1561 on: March 07, 2009, 02:19:36 PM »
A CHL motorist on the Ohio Turnpike gets stopped by the Ohio Turnpike Patrol. 

The driver pulls over, rolls his window down, and puts his hands on the steering wheel.

As the officer approaches the driver's window, the driver tells the officer that he is CHL and that he is carrying. 

He then ask the officer how he would like to proceed? 

The Patrolman ask the driver if he, meaning "the patrolman" has anything to be afraid of while conducting his traffic stop? 

The driver responded by saying, "Not yet"!
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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1562 on: March 08, 2009, 03:41:29 PM »
Apples to Oranges?

Of Abe and Barry.............everyone compares the two......

  1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible..

  2. Lincoln came from Illinois. Obama comes from Illinois.

  3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

  4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

  5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to             Washington for his inauguration.

  6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  9. Lincoln was born in the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

 10. Lincoln was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
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ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1563 on: March 08, 2009, 06:00:40 PM »
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.  While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."   He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"   Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, "Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?"  And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.

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Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1564 on: March 08, 2009, 08:13:23 PM »
Wisdom Of A  Retiree!!     
 




  I've  often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that  you're
retired?   Well..I'm fortunate to  have a chemical engineering
background, and one of the things I enjoy most is  turning beer, wine,
Scotch, and margaritas into  urine.   :D :D ;D ;D ;)

I like this one. The guy is wise indeed. But make mine Scotch.
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Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1565 on: Today at 04:17:18 PM »
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Dharmaeye

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1565 on: March 08, 2009, 08:23:18 PM »
Quote from: PegLeg45 on March 08, 2009, 03:41:29 PM
Apples to Oranges?

Of Abe and Barry.............everyone compares the two......

  1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible..

  2. Lincoln came from Illinois. Obama comes from Illinois.

  3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

  4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

  5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to             Washington for his inauguration.

  6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

  9. Lincoln was born in the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

 10. Lincoln was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer.


My first thought was  - we have another Civil War?
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tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1566 on: March 08, 2009, 10:10:35 PM »
 Obama would not like that if he knows how it ended ;D
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HAWKFISH

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1567 on: March 09, 2009, 12:05:22 AM »
Quote from: tombogan03884 on March 08, 2009, 10:10:35 PM
Obama would not like that if he knows how it ended ;D

Probably not..  :)
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philw

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1568 on: March 09, 2009, 07:04:39 AM »
I thought you may like some non PC British humour for a change!
(If it is British, it must be good!!)
 
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan. Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.
 
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
 
The USA is sending troops to help.
 
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
 
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
 
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
 
The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
 
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
 
Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Pakistanis.
 
God Bless British generosity.
 
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Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. The only thing you can’t do is ignore them

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1569 on: March 09, 2009, 01:47:29 PM »
 America would have, but we could not spare the cabbies and convenience store clerks.
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