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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1366266 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5630 on: June 09, 2023, 03:47:33 AM »
One day at school I lost my thesaurus. I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was. ;D
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5631 on: June 09, 2023, 04:05:38 AM »
As a family we couldn't decide whether to have my mom buried or cremated. So in the end we let her live.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5632 on: June 11, 2023, 02:43:41 PM »
Animal intestines have been used to prevent pregnancy since the tenth-century in Persia. But, the Ancient Romans were the first to suggest removing the intestines from the animals.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5633 on: June 19, 2023, 03:08:29 AM »
In honor of Pride Month. These people have a whole month to feel proud of themselves before life returns to normal.

And if anyone is displeased about it, I'm always ready with a suggestion about what they can do. ;)
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5634 on: June 20, 2023, 10:24:56 PM »
After I posted that last night I got a free movie from xfinity Rewards to celebrate Pride Month. I didn't actually get my free movie until today, but it was Rocketman. I don't like Elton John or his music, but I liked Taron Egerton well enough in the Kingsman movies. I thought Colin Firth was a better actor, and Samuel Jackson, WTF? I don't know what to say about him. Anyway, a free movie is still free entertainment and I'll take it.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5635 on: Today at 04:17:18 PM »
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crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5635 on: June 30, 2023, 09:27:13 AM »
I went down to the paint store to get thinner.

It didn't work.

Crusader Rabbit
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“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5636 on: June 30, 2023, 12:53:27 PM »
My wife walked into the bathroom and saw me standing on the scales with my gut sucked in.
She said it doesn't work like that.
I said it does if you want to be able to see the numbers.......
  :-\   :'(   :o
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5637 on: July 21, 2023, 08:47:02 PM »
Here's a text message I got from Xfinity this morning or yesterday morning, one of several times I tried repairing, restoring, and restarting my laptop. After a week and a half I guess, I almost have it working right. Almost. I finally got all the drivers from Dell re-installed again, and this time it looks like they registered, but SupportAssist is still messed up. If nothing else goes wrong I should have everything set how I want it this weekend. I've had a lot of trouble with this laptop ever since I bought it. I used to call it MySlowLaptop because it was so slow. It always started with 100% disk use and 100% CPU use. But I renamed it after I reinstalled Windows 11 from an .iso file on DVD, then reset it to Windows 10 because it was still screwed up, and then upgraded it back to Windows 11 again.

The 1 to the 4th icon is Cloudflare. Their free DNS is 1.1.1.1 and they don't collect your information Google and other DNSs do. I used to use OpenDNS, but switched to Cloudflare.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5638 on: July 21, 2023, 08:50:37 PM »
Picture Rod Serling. His voice and his pacing. You're about to enter, The Twilight Zone.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5639 on: August 07, 2023, 06:21:29 PM »
 8)

Wonder if it's a gunite pool??
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg
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