Classic joke thread...

[Bic]

Yeah, I liked it......eventually! 

[Timothy]

Yea, took me a while connect the dots too!

[Big Frank]

I must be missing something in the reindeer cartoon.

[Bic]

"Sing Frank Sing!"

[TAB]

[Sponsor]

[Bill Stryker]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They
couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just
walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a
gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of
chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a
problem - how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching
his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that
house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the
goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded
to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be
there in no time. The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said,
'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that
when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my
skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of
paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you
up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put
the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

[Bill Stryker]

First Christmas Joke:
 
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.' 
 
And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better. 

[ellis4538]

Billstryker, I thought that was pretty good!  But, here goes...

Did you know that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a brother?

He was called Randolph the Brown Nosed Reindeer.
He could run as fast as Rudolph but couldn't stop as quick!


Richard

[Bill Stryker]

A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender.  The robot says, “What will you have?”         
> >
> > The guy replies, “Whiskey.”         
> > The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”         
> >
> > The guy say, “168.”
> >
> > The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.         
>
> > After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, he the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.   
>
> > The robot asks, “What’s your drink?”       
> >
> > The guy answers, “Whiskey.”         
>
> > The robot returns with his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”         
> >
> > The man replies, “100.”         
> >
> > The robot talks about Nascar, Budweiser, the Lions, and LSU.         
> >
> > The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his “experiment” that he decides to try again.
> >
> > He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he want to drink.         
> >
> > The man replies, “Whiskey.”         
> >
> > The robot brings the drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”         
> >
> > The man answers, “50.”         
>
> > The robot leans in real close and asks, “So . . . are . . . you people . . . still happy . . . with Obama?”
> >
> >

[tombogan03884]

Availing named Rudolph the Red told his wife it was going to rain.
She asked how he knew.
He said, " Rudolph the Red KNOWS rain dear.

Billstryker, no improvement yet !