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Author Topic: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say  (Read 6790 times)

k39noodles

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30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« on: August 19, 2008, 09:32:34 PM »
I get about  two of these a year, and each one is funnier than the last.  The thing I like most about us as Americans is our potential for making fun of ourselves.  I wish that were in place all the time.  Maybe politics and politicians have taken something valuable away from us as brothers and sisters. 

Later,

Bill  (k39noodles)



30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
 28. Duct tape won't fix that.
 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
 26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
 25. You can't feed that to the dog.
 24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
 23. Wrestling is fake.
 22. We're vegetarians.
 21. Do you think my gut is too big?
 20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
 19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
 18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
 14. Trim the fat off that steak.
 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
 12. The tires on that truck are too big.
 11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.
 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
 09. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
 08. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
 07. Checkmate.
 06. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
 05. Hey, here's an episode of 'Hee Haw' that we
 haven't seen.
 04. I don't have a favorite college team.
 03. You Guys.
 02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
 
 AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A RED NECK SAY:
 
 01. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!


_
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twyacht

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2008, 10:08:14 PM »
As a tried and true resident of the South, I never heard;" Is that gun to big? "



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkM2Se3tqaU

Plus its a great "Good 'ol Boy Song" wherever you are. 8)
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Thomas Jefferson: The strongest reason for the people to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against the tyranny of government. That is why our masters in Washington are so anxious to disarm us. They are not afraid of criminals. They are afraid of a populace which cannot be subdued by tyrants."
Col. Jeff Cooper.

ericire12

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2008, 10:09:09 PM »
Now thats funny right there
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twyacht

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2008, 10:28:18 PM »
The Pentagon announced today the formation an elite fighting group called the US Redneck Special Forces (U.S.R.S.F.)

Bubba, Hoss, Cooter, Boo, and Elbow, will be dropped behind enemy lines with the following information about insurgents:

1. The Season opened last weekend
2. There is no limit.
3  They taste like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, country music, pickups, or Jesus Christ.
5. Some is queer.
6. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

Should be over in a week or so,.... ;D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBocef6iQps&feature=related

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Thomas Jefferson: The strongest reason for the people to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against the tyranny of government. That is why our masters in Washington are so anxious to disarm us. They are not afraid of criminals. They are afraid of a populace which cannot be subdued by tyrants."
Col. Jeff Cooper.

PegLeg45

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2008, 02:20:01 PM »
That's right....that's right.....that's my people.......we are the backbone of the country....no doubt... ;D ;D ;D
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #5 on: Today at 05:18:23 PM »
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SwoopSJ

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2008, 06:28:57 PM »
Quote from: k39noodles on August 19, 2008, 09:32:34 PM
I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Them there's fightin' words 'round here.  Only them San Fran-sissy-co "boys" drink that pig swill!   :D

P.S.  
Go UK (that's University of Kentucky, for anyone who may misunderstand, not United Kingdom) ... and pass the biscuits 'n gravy!   ;D

Swoop

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"...to preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them..."  --Richard H. Lee

Big Frank

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2008, 01:47:42 AM »
The only thing better than biscuits and gravy is bikinis and girls.
No, wait, it's the other way around.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

alfsauve

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2008, 05:33:36 AM »


31.  Please pass the quiche
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ellis4538

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2008, 06:20:16 AM »
32.  Woops, I forgot to brush my teeth!

Richard
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Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

tumblebug

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Re: 30 things you'll never hear a redneck say
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2008, 04:57:34 PM »
 #33 my gun's not loaded. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;DHOT DAMN.
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