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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1368553 times)

Magoo541

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4950 on: March 15, 2016, 02:54:51 PM »
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, is he busting a move?


 ;D
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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4951 on: March 15, 2016, 04:20:31 PM »
Quote from: Magoo541 on March 15, 2016, 02:54:51 PM
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, is he busting a move?


 ;D

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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Majer

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4952 on: March 15, 2016, 05:08:42 PM »
What does a 9 volt battery and your Girlfriends/wifes asshole have in common?














You know you shouldn't,but you're going to touch it with your tongue ;D ;D ;D
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"If violent crime is to be curbed, it is only the intended victim who can do it. The felon does not fear the police, and he fears neither judge nor jury. Therefore what he must be taught to fear is his victim." - Jeff Cooper
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Es gibt keine Notwendigkeit zu befürchten, Underdog hier ist.
Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage. Where are we now??????

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4953 on: March 20, 2016, 01:23:26 AM »
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?"

 "Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.

 The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".

 As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had

 begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

 A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

 Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.

 Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

 Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.



 Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

 The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .

 "Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story?"

 "No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.




 I bet you didn't see that one coming.
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4954 on: March 22, 2016, 07:46:24 AM »
I went to the zoo over the weekend.

They only had one dog.

It was a sh*tzu.
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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4955 on: Today at 08:54:56 PM »
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TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4955 on: April 02, 2016, 06:21:52 PM »
Bless me Father for I have sinned
 An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the
 local church for confession.
 When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
 "Father .. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
 neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from
 the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
 The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
 need to confess that."
 "There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favours.
 This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
 The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you
 placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
 circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.
 However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
 "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more
 question."
 ?And what is that?" asked the priest.

 "Should I tell her the war is over?"
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4956 on: April 08, 2016, 11:04:56 PM »
This guy is so gangsta.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

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Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4957 on: April 09, 2016, 06:52:55 AM »
He's got the mag in backward! 

:)
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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4958 on: April 12, 2016, 11:14:09 AM »
 8)
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4959 on: April 12, 2016, 12:23:40 PM »
True story.
Yesterday am in the coffee sop one of the regulars said "I've been married 4 times, and I'm looking for a 5th now."
I commented that if I'd been married 4 times I'd be looking for a fifth as well, maybe a half gallon.
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