The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: TAB on August 12, 2010, 09:37:47 PM
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Ok long story short, one of my family members had her kids removed...
Well now they are going up for adoption, They are two girls ages 2 and 3. My mother is going to adopted them...
But I know she can not handle them, now and in the future. She will be 70 when they are in HS for example. She is currently living on about 1/2 a lung.
I have made my feelings known to my mother(which every one else in the family feels the same).
Do I voice my IMO to court/socail workers or not? What would you do?
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Who is most likely to wind up having to take up where she can't do it. That would be the person to discuss it with . If their OK with it let em go for it.
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no one, they would revert to wards of the county.
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An issue her is the family member herself. If the situation is so bad as to lose the kids, and it appears you aren't fighting that, I wonder if someone in the family adopting is the best for the children. As hard as it is to lose close family in a situation it may be best to cut the losses while they are young, and let a good family give them the best opportunity.
Just my thoughts with limited information, but as a parent who adopted two children I am biased and our children speak openly about their thankfulness as well.
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Only other question is how PO'd do you want your relatives ?
Your Mom will be peeved, because you went against her.
At least some of your relatives will be peeved because you went against her wishes, whether they were reasonable or not.
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An issue her is the family member herself. If the situation is so bad as to lose the kids, and it appears you aren't fighting that, I wonder if someone in the family adopting is the best for the children. As hard as it is to lose close family in a situation it may be best to cut the losses while they are young, and let a good family give them the best opportunity.
Just my thoughts with limited information, but as a parent who adopted two children I am biased and our children speak openly about their thankfulness as well.
trust me, getting the kids removed was a good thing.
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OK. Let me state for the record I am the last person you should listen to here (ignore the amen chorus). I'm not geared for kids. I think of them like cats. I enjoy other people's, but I don't want to own one.
That said the only thing that matters is what is in the best interest of those two little girls. Will the girls be kept toghther if kept in foster care? Can a good adoptive family be found? If not, and I hate to say this, but if not, why aren't you and your doctor wife stepping up? I don't mean to be rude here. I also don't want to sound self righteous and I've made it plain what my views on kids are. Still, blood is thicker than water and sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. I might not want kids, but if any of my little cousins needed a home? Damn straight I'd be going to PTA meetings and soccer games. It ain't easy, or wanted, but those kids are your blood. Once they're gone, they're gone. What would you have wanted to happen in their shoes? I feel like an asshole for typing this TAB, but honestly? This is one of those gut check moments. My Advice is to turn off the computer and have a long talk with your wife. Honestly evaluate whether you can do right by them. Are there friends and family members who will help? Can you look yourself in the eye if you don't step up?Thats the one question only you can answer.
FQ13 who sincerly apologizes for this post, but I felt that it had to be said.
Peace
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FQ, I hear you, but chill.
TAB has never been one of my favorite people, but he has always seemed like an Honorable man, I assume there are other circumstances that are none of our public business, that limit the possible choices.
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FQ, I hear you, but chill.
TAB has never been one of my favorite people, but he has always seemed like an Honorable man, I assume there are other circumstances that are none of our public business, that limit the possible choices.
Agreed on TABS honor. I wasn't questioning it. TAB, If it came off that way I sincerly apologize. I never intended to dump a heap of crap in your life, much les judge you. It ain't my place and God knlows you've gone through enough the last year or so. Still, life sometimes sucks. Something both our unemployed asses know all too well. Sometimes we have to face circumstances that would freak anyone out. I don't know what the right thing to do here is. If I did, I'd be priest not a prof (and probably still have a job). Still, this is a tough call Tom, one no asked for, but there it is.
FQ13 who is not judging anyone here
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Agreed on TABS honor. I wasn't questioning it. TAB, If it came off that way I sincerly apologize. I never intended to dump a heap of crap in your life, much les judge you. It ain't my place and God knlows you've gone through enough the last year or so. Still, life sometimes sucks. Something both our unemployed asses know all too well. Sometimes we have to face circumstances that would freak anyone out. I don't know what the right thing to do here is. If I did, I'd be priest not a prof (and probably still have a job). Still, this is a tough call Tom, one no asked for, but there it is.
FQ13 who is not judging anyone here
To true. TAB has had more than his share of crap in the last year or so.
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they are in a good foster family now, I think its the best place for them.
FWIW, these kids should have never been born in the 1st place. the father is a real POS. I say let his family have them, but none of them will step forward.
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If their in a good home now it may be best.
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That just it, now they are in a good home, what happens say 6 months from now is the question.
let me put it this way, when I moved, I made sure the jack ass father didn't know where I moved too.
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It sounds like foster care is the best thing for them. I would tell the court that.
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A tough one, TAB.
Even though your Mom is trying to keep her grand kids in the family, it isn't a workable long term, or maybe even short term, solution.
You know that or you would not be thinking of going against your Mom's efforts.
It is what is best for the kids and what should be done.
You will have to pay the price, as Tom B. has pointed out, with your Mom and any supportive family members. Tough it out. Better to face that than have to live with letting the girls lives be hurt.
Do what you can to keep track of them and what you can to watch over them and help them. Make the foster family part of your family and do the same with the adoptive family, if possible. Hopefully the rest of your family will respond the same way.
Good Luck, TAB, and take care.
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TAB said:
FWIW, these kids should have never been born in the 1st place. the father is a real POS. I say let his family have them, but none of them will step forward.
TAB, if the dad is a POS, why in the world would you want his family to step up?
If the girls are currently in a decent Foster care situation, that's a good thing. HOWEVER Kalifornistan is starting to pay its bills with IOUs. Soon, the Foster care family may not be able to take care of the girls due to a lack of funds (I obviously have no first-hand knowledge about their financial status, but I am intimately familiar with the Foster care program here in Florida). IF your Mom has the ability to care for the kids for the next 10-20 years, I have to say I agree with FQ that blood is important. These kids share your (or your bride's) genes. They are the innocents in this mess. They should be the only ones considered.
TAB, I have additional thoughts and insights on this. PM me if you want to discuss this in a less public forum.
Offered by Crusader who has witnessed the Foster system up close for more than 20-years--and wouldn't want any of my loved ones or family-members in the system.
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FWIW: I was adopted as a newborn and raised by a loving couple that wanted me. When adoptamom died in 2000 I searched out my biological mother (plus her family, 2 daughters and their father-not mine) and while the intervening 47 years appeared to have given her some wisdom, I was, and to this day still am, sure glad I was raised by the Mother and Father who adopted me :)
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TABs problem is that in Ca. at least, the Kids most likely will not stay with the current family, that is just a temporary thing until final arrangements can be made.
He's in a darn rough spot, damned if he does, damned if he don't, I will not even consider "advising him, merely throw out things for consideration.
Not a position I would want to be in.
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An issue her is the family member herself. If the situation is so bad as to lose the kids, and it appears you aren't fighting that, I wonder if someone in the family adopting is the best for the children. As hard as it is to lose close family in a situation it may be best to cut the losses while they are young, and let a good family give them the best opportunity.
Just my thoughts with limited information, but as a parent who adopted two children I am biased and our children speak openly about their thankfulness as well.
I'm with Mike on this one. Several years ago the state (after years of prodding) removed my 2 nephews from their parents (my sister and her worthless, pedophile husband). My wife and I (who are unable to have children) were given the option of adopting them. This was the most difficult decision of our lives, but we finally decided that the boys' need to not have to associate with their idiot mother at family functions far outweighed our desire for children.
Bottom line is this.....do what is best for the kids.
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TAB, I have no words of wisdom to offer or a solution to the problem, but I do wish for the best outcome for your situation.
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I wish all the best for the kids, but have no advice.