Hard to Kil, Out for Justice and we are all On Deadly Ground

[fightingquaker13]

Folks, I post this without comment.
FQ13 who will giggle and have a beer, knowing that as weird as Florida is, I can still say "Thank God for Louisiana".

Steven Seagal is Real Life Deputy Sheriff
Leslie Gray Streeter, Palm Beach Post
12/04/09


Imagine you’ve caught the business end of a bar fight somewhere in Jefferson Parish, La., and your inability to shut your yap has gotten you handcuffed and locked in the back of a police car. An officer with a preternaturally calm and familiar voice asks you to chill. You respond to his kind request by kicking out the car window.

Later, as you’re recoiling from the several uncomfortable volts of electricity that the Taser has shot through your bar-fighting carcass, you might be wishing that you’d heeded the wise counsel of that peaceful-sounding officer. You may also wonder why you can’t stop thinking about the last time you caught Hard to Kill on TBS. …

Oh, you unfortunate hooligan. You haven’t just been arrested on national TV. You’ve been arrested by Steven Seagal! And it’s completely awesome.

Well, probably not for you. But for everybody watching A&E’s new reality series Steven Seagal: Lawman (Wednesdays, 10 p.m.), it’s a half-hour of Zen-tastic, butt-kicking fun.

“I make my living in the movies,” the once-major action star voice-overs, “but for the last 20 years, I’ve also been a cop. My name is Steven Seagal. That’s right. Steven Seagal, deputy sheriff.”

He’s serious. For the last two decades, roughly since the 1989 release of Hard to Kill, the pony-tailed Akido master, whose nominal combination of Zen and butt-kicking made him a cheesy, if entertaining, pop culture phenomenon, really has been an official Louisiana lawman.

According to his voice over, Seagal came down to Louisiana in the ’80s to teach officers about martial arts weapon retention (from the pictures, this appears to mean, “the ancient art of keeping some punk from taking your gun”), and the chief was so impressed, he asked him to join the force. The show’s not real clear on how often he does this, but I would imagine that since his hit movies are … fewer and farther between, he’s got a lot more time to be “Out For Justice” for real.

And what a prophetic career move part-time law enforcement turned out to be, because the sideline that Seagal never talked about when he was a big star has provided him with a nifty subject for a reality show. You’d think it was a joke, but that same self-serious demeanor that made him fierce in his good movies (Under Siege) and silly in his bad ones (On Deadly Ground) makes him earnestly watchable as an officer whose dedication to public safety appears to be legit, even when he’s just watching other officers arrest people.

Older, huskier but still physically imposing, the 57-year-old assists in arrests, teaches his brother officers how to improve their shooting through Zen techniques, and shakes the hands of bewildered but delighted citizens surprised to see Mr. “On Deadly Ground” emerge, in uniform, from a police car.

“Where’d Mr. Seagal go?” asks one smitten lady, who’s just marveled at the size of the actor’s hands in a way that would be sort of stalky if it wasn’t so sweet. “I need to tell him bye!”

Sure, Lawman sometimes seems like a celebrity episode of Cops, or Dog The Bounty Hunter without the cussing, leather and dreadlocks. But you know how Dog the Bounty Hunter tosses people around and then calmly explains how the now-handcuffed perp wouldn’t be in trouble if he’d followed God’s plan?

Lawman is a little like that, but more dignified. The best part is that while Lawman is not a joke, it doesn’t stop Seagal from having a sense of humor about the absurdity of it all, right before he goes back demonstrating Akido-inspired restraint techniques.

“This gentleman,” he says sagely, right before Barfighty McScuffleson finds himself touched by a Taser, “is not a very Zen practitioner.”

True. But he’s performed a valuable public service for future lawbreakers in Jefferson Parish. Break the law, and for the next 20 years, relatives at family functions will go “Hey, wanna see that tape of Kenny getting busted by Steven Seagal?”

Again, it won’t be fun for you. But your folks will think it’s hilarious.

[tombogan03884]

 Well, he had to do SOMETHING, he got to old and pudgy to do that martial arts sh!t any more.  

And he runs like a girl.  

[L.E. Keeney]

I watched it and laughed my butt off...but Im not sure they meant for me to.

I have invented the steven seagal lawman drinking game.
...Whenever he says "Ive studied martial arts all my life," drink a shot.

Youll be on the floor drooling by the end of the episode


He sure does have a nice collection of 1911s though.

[twyacht]

He may be getting larger and slower, but if he gets his hands on you, he will break extremities, or flip you like a rag doll.

Or, just shoot you with his fine collection of 1911's.

[tt11758]

FQ, to expand upon your comments, Segal is the Chief of Reserve Deputies with that Sheriff's Office.  Which, if it's anything like any other Reserve force I've ever seen, means that he rides along as a sworn officer whenever the mood strikes him, with a minimum number of hours required each month to maintain certification.  Reserves are also normally activated in the event of a major incident when extra LEO-type bodies are required for crowd control, traffic control patrol duties, etc.

Being Chief of the Reserves is also the reason he has all the stoars on his collar while his partner has Lt. bars.

[Sponsor]

[garand4life]

He can shoot too! Really shoot.

[Timothy]

While his style of pickin' is a little strange, he's got one HELL of a guitar collection.

[tt11758]

While his style of pickin' is a little strange, he's got one HELL of a guitar collection.

And an ex-wife who used to be SMOKIN hot. 

[tombogan03884]

I read some where he shoots about 500 rounds a week, collects 1911's Guitars, and Japanese Swords.
Also read that he is a total dick to work with.

[PegLeg45]

I read some where he shoots about 500 rounds a week, collects 1911's Guitars, and Japanese Swords.
Also read that he is a total dick to work with.

Well, if ya gonna be a dick, it helps to be well armed.