Classic joke thread...

[Walter45Auto]

Bill worked at a factory for 15 years, and was always bragging about all the important people he knew. He was Always bragging how he knew everybody. His boss had finally had enough of it, and decided he was gonna find SOMEBODY that Bill didn't know. So he said to Bill "I'll bet you don't know Dale Earnhardt Jr." So they went to Dale Jr.'s house and Dale came out and greeted his old friend Bill and Invited them in and they Sat around and talked for a while. Then they left, and Bill's Boss said "Allright. You know Dale Earhnardt Jr. But I'll bet you don't know President Bush." So they went to the white house got through security to go in, and while walking down the hallway bump into President Bush. President bush greeted them. "Hey there Bill! It's good to see you. I'm on my way to a Cabinet meeting, but I've got time to have coffee with my old buddy Bill." They get finished, and Bill's Boss is amazed that he knows President Bush. He said "I'll bet you don't know the pope!"  They went to see the pope, and there's a huge crowd of thousands of people waiting for the pope to come out on the balcony and give his address. Bill's boss said "There's no way we're gonna be able to get in to see the pope. There's just WAY too many people out here. We'll never get through!" Bill said "Wait here. I know a few of the security guards. I'll see if I can get us in." So about 15 minutes later, The pope comes out on the Balcony and Bill comes out right beside him, and they bothe wave to everybody. After the pope is finished with his address, Bill goes back outside to find his boss, and finds him passed out with paramedics all around him. They finally get him to come to and Bill asks "Are you allright? What Happened?" He said "You know Bill, I could take you knowing Dale Earnhardt Jr. I can handle you knowing President Bush. I could even take you knowing the pope.  But wht I couldn't belive was when you and the pope came out on the balcony and the guy next to me asked 'Who's that guy up there with Bill?' "

[Bill Stryker]

I appreciate jokes like this one.

Old Is not Dumb

             
            A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
             
            After several minutes, the older worker had enough. 'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said. 'I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able
            to wheel back.'

            'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied.  'Let's see you do it.'

            The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, 'All right, Dumb Ass, get in.

[Bill Stryker]

   
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

'Want coffee.'

The waiter says,'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter

'Want coffee.'

The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

'Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day.'

 

[Ron J]

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain were on a plane flying to a debate.   Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, “You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy”.
 
Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”

John added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot; “Such big-shots back there.  I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy.”

I'm voting for the Pilot

[ericire12]

[Sponsor]

[alfack]

^^^^

That is hilarious!  "Able to leap rising seas in a single bound."

[tombogan03884]

^^^^

That is hilarious!  "Able to leap rising seas in a single bound."

I liked Walter's joke better. Superman should be like one of those "Little Boy " fountians     B ho would benifit from a superwhizz 

[Pathfinder]

Found this on the net (where else?)

[Teresa Heilevang]

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

 

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

                               The teacher fainted...

[Teresa Heilevang]

The Definition of OLD..

First you tell your friends that you are having an  affair........

Then your friend asks you........
 'Are you having it catered???'

 

THAT, my friends, is the definition of OLD!!!!