I hate to bother you

[Teresa Heilevang]

Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean Senator Obama, sir. Um..I know you are busy
and important and stuff. I mean running for president is very important
and..

...ah...I hate to bother you. I will only take a
minute ok, sir?

See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me
up, and I was wondering sir, if you could take time out of your busy
schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and
things.

Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees
houses like this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs
like this you know? Is that painting real? Really??? Wow. I saw something
like that in a museum once!

Oh, sorry sir. I didn't mean to get off the track.
So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will
get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife
to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island? No, I didn't think
so...

Well, listen, anyways, I can't seem to get some
information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be 'locked'
or 'not available'. I'm sure it's just some oversight or glitch or
something, so if you could you tell me where these things are... I..I.. have
them written down here somewhere..oh wait. Sorry about the smears. It was
raining out. I'll just read it to you.

Could you help me please find these things, sir?

Your Occidental College records
Your Columbia College records
Your Columbia Thesis paper
Your Harvard College records
Your Selective Service Registration
Your medical records
Your Illinois State Senate records
Your Illinois State Senate schedule
Your Law practice client list
A Certified Copy of your original Birth certificate
Your embossed, signed paper Certification of Live
Birth
Your Harvard Law Review articles that were published
Your University of Chicago scholarly articles
Your Record of baptism

Oh hey.listen! I know you are busy! Is this too much
for you now? I mean tell you what. I will come back tomorrow. Give you some
time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you are busy, so
I will just let myself out. I will be back tomorrow. And the day after..

[Ron J]

Another question that someone should ask Barack Hussein Obama.  "In 1981 … which I would guess was right after you attended high school, did you travel to Pakistan using an Indonesian passport?  If you are a US citizen, why would you travel on an Indonesian passport?" 

Then Columbo pulls out a blackjack and begins to work Bro'O over.