Really Stupid Criminal Tricks

[brosometal]

Weirdness abounds!

I thought it was unusual that the reporter specified the length of the sausage.  Is that like the caliber in guns?  (In my best cop type voice) "Man he is lucky that the perp didn't go for the foot long."

[Big Frank]

80 caliber assault sausage. You know they'll be calling for bans on them soon.

[Fatman]

Obama says you can own an 80 cal sausage if you purchased it legally. You just have to leave it in the meat case at the market.

[Fatman]

Lewd vandal leaves greasy imprints on Neb. town

By NATE JENKINS, Associated Press Writer 33 minutes ago

Boy, how people here wish their busiest vandal would find another way to make his mark. Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.

"This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said police Chief Ben McBride.

Some residents of Valentine, a town of about 2,650 people, find some humor in the strange vandalism and have taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit." But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks.

"We were completely grossed out," said Kalli Kieborz, who works in a downtown building. "One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!'"

The police chief is far from amused.

"It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step."

It started in spring 2007, when the window of a Methodist church was greased with an imprint. McBride figured it was a high school prank. But the church kept getting hit, even after police staked it out.

The bandit struck business after business, window after window last summer.

Then he — and maybe, McBride said, copycat vandals — stopped over the fall and winter.

"People said he was done," McBride said. "Then he started back up this summer."

During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

McBride said no one has reported seeing the vandal in action. The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year.

The man was 6-feet-tall or slightly taller, and slender. He had a dark complexion, and McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a "1980s, feathered look."

Valentine, in remote north-central Nebraska, promotes itself as "The Heart City." Downtown sidewalks are painted with hearts, and locals encourage people from around the country to send their Valentine's Day cards to the local post office so they can be mailed out with the word "Valentine" stamped on them.

"This is not normal behavior for Valentine," Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said. "It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."

___

On the Net:

City of Valentine: http://www.valentine-ne.com/

[Fatman]

Stuck 'agent' tells cops of secret bomb mission

48 minutes ago

It wasn't the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission. The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said.

Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down.

"Mission failed," he told them.

Hoisted up and read his rights, Smith told police he was a "special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931" and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said.

He said he was following orders to "defuse and confiscate" a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a "MERV6SS-22AN" warhead, according to the report. The bomb supposedly was hidden in a blue, plastic cow sculpture in the museum basement, he said.

However, Smith told officers his "agency" called while he was in air-vent limbo to say it made a mistake and the bomb might be in a Memphis museum instead.

Police charged Smith with aggravated robbery. He was being held on $2,000 bond at the Knox County Jail. Authorities said he did not have a lawyer.

"Fortunately he was able to reach his cell phone," DeBusk said, "or he may not have been found for quite some time."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080917/ap_on_fe_st/odd_stuck_burglar

Can we start a collection to buy this guy a new tin foil hat?

[Sponsor]

[brosometal]

Can we start a collection to buy this guy a new tin foil hat?

Either that or get him writing scripts in Hollywood.  I guess when you have time to think you can come up with a doozy of an excuse.  Hell, he even has the insanity defense worked in already.

[Fatman]

Cops nab pair in same vehicle for drunken driving

Thu Oct 9, 6:31 PM ET

Fargo police said two men were arrested for drunken driving in the same vehicle. Police Lt. Pat Claus said an officer pulled over a 23-year-old man early Thursday morning. Claus said while that man was taking a sobriety test, a 24-year-old passenger got behind the wheel and tried to drive off.

Claus said the passenger was also arrested for drunken driving. Both men were taken to the Cass County jail.

Claus called the case "unique."

[Big Frank]

UPDATE

After a Fresno man was beaten with an 8-inch sausage, police arrested Antonio Vasquez Jr. whom they found in a nearby field. But he's been cleared of charges. Prosecutors acknowledged they do not have enough evidence to file criminal charges against the 21-year-old man, who had been held at Fresno County Jail. Vasquez had been found in a open field wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks shortly after the crime was committed.

[ellis4538]

Got another good one here...A co-worker's mom is in prison for trying to kill her husband.  Seems she took a .22 into the attic above their bedroom and fired a "Practice Shot" down thru the ceiling into the bed so that she could fire a high power rifle later as he slept.  When she came down she saw that the .22 missed its intended mark so she moved the bed however much she needed.  that evening after doing the dirty deed and claiming "It went off accidently as I was cleaning it!" police investigators discovered the .22.  Woops!

Richard

[bjc1369]

One of my favorites was printed twice in "Shooting Times" magazine -regular and 25th Anniversary issue- underDumb Crook Award tells of a guy who walked into a store and picked up a can of beans.  He waited until there wasn't anyone in the store and he took his "purchase" to the counter and laid it down.  Exposing himself, he damanded money.  The check-out girl was not fazed for she picked up the can and slamed it where it would do the most good.  The commentator speculated that "Next time he would probably bring a loaf of bread to check-out"!

Richard

PS:  I couldn't make something like this up, honest. 

I remember the Dumb Crook Awards.  My favorite went something like this:

Two robbers entered a store with guns drawn.  "Don't anyone move or I'll shoot you!" was yelled by one robber.  The other robber moved and the first one shot him.  Sounds like a good entry for the Darwin Award as well.