The Down Range Forum
Member Section => Down Range Cafe => Topic started by: JC5123 on August 11, 2009, 09:06:45 AM
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I wanted to apologize for my absence of late. Unfortunately I have been dealing with something that I never saw coming. My wife of 4 years, asked me for a divorce last weekend.
Needless to say I and shocked and completely devastated. My posts will probably be pretty sporatic for awhile. But I will make a comeback. The camaraderie of the people here is second to none. At least as far as the internet goes.
I'll be busy moving, and trying to start over, but I will still check in.
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That's so beyond sucky!! Best of luck.
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Hang in there , dude. Been there, done that twice so if ya need to talk send me a PM and I'll give ya my phone number.
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That's so beyond sucky!! Best of luck.
was thinking the same thing
Good luck with everything bloke hope it dose not get messy for you mate
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Sorry to hear it JC. I've been there also, we are here for you if you need anything!!
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Been there also...don't let that one taint your image of women in general.
Richard
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Sorry to hear that. I've got no words of advise, other than keep you head up. Good luck brother.
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Tough road, but you will get through this.
Such a tough road, I won't even correct your spelling . . . ;D ;D ;D
Hang in there, brother, a lot of this went through this, some more than others (Haz). PM me as well, we can talk.
You will get through this.
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Thanks for the thoughts guys. It's nice to know that you're all out there.
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sorry to hear this jc, been there too.
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Sorry to hear it JC. Hang in there, things will get better.
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Divorces suck enough when you can see them coming. Try not to stay in the anger stage too long and don't second guess.
Oh yeah, try to keep as much money from the lawyers as possible.
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been there (twice), just remember it'll get better. Keep your head up and your temperment even.
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Damn. Sorry JC. That is a kick in the head. If you need to bitch, this is the place.
FQ13
PS Itcihiban gives good advice. Don't assume the lawyers are on your side. Remember they get paid by the hour. My Dad's kind of antagonized him to fight with my mom over stupid stuff, thus raising the bill a lot. He sees it now but didn't at the time. Its best to try to settle things first. If that doesn't work try a mediator, they are a lot cheaper than a contested trial and can draw up a legal contract.
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Thankfully everything has been very amicable. (except the divorce) I was just so stunned. We just went to a lawyer, and he's handling the whole thing. We divided everything up. Both of us are reasonably satisfied with how it was divided. I hope that nothing will be contested, we can just get the papers signed and I can start to begin again. I wanted very badly to save my marriage, but I can't force her to. The hardest part about the whole thing is that right up to the moment she told me, I thought that we had a very happy marriage. I had know idea anything was even wrong.
The hardest part has been knowing that I couldn't stop this, but still feeling like I failed her as a husband. I guess now I know what emotional baggage REALLY means.
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No warning? What kind of...?
Sorry to hear about what you're going through JC.
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Hang in there . Ahh marriage nothing better when it works nothing worse when it don't. Staying busy HELPs.
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Never been there myself, but have a couple friends that in hind sight saw some warning signs, but the request was totally out of the blue. For both of them the legal process did not go well because of the large dollars involved and the wives' attorneys getting carried away. However, for both of them it was the emotions that were the worse. One even said he'd take her back if she wanted.
Hang in there, care for yourself, and keep looking at the coming sun rise!
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Keep your chin up. Always something bigger and better out there for you. I have been down that road a couple of times myself and am on my 3rd and final marriage. Sick of losing all my stuff, lol. Sure hate to see someone have to deal with something like this but chalk it up as a learning experience and don't blame yourself.
One bit of advice, don't try and rush out and try to replace her. I made that mistake myself and ended up divorced the second time. Take time for yourself and you will be fine. ;)
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I've been there JC. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Think positive and get away from her and stay away from her. Start fresh and remember that alot of us have gone through this. You can too. There are other people around that appreciate you. Listen to FQ. Cover your ass legally. It helped me to talk to the man upstairs. Keep your chin up. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Keep your chin up. Always something bigger and better out there for you. I have been down that road a couple of times myself and am on my 3rd and final marriage. Sick of losing all my stuff, lol. Sure hate to see someone have to deal with something like this but chalk it up as a learning experience and don't blame yourself.
One bit of advice, don't try and rush out and try to replace her. I made that mistake myself and ended up divorced the second time. Take time for yourself and you will be fine. ;)
I hear you there. Right now, knowing that she hid her feelings from me for so long. I am going to have a hard time trusting women again. I know it's something that I have to work through, but I know that for a long time to come I am going to be skeptical of those three little words. I hate to say it but I am going to be in that "too good to be true" mentality. I apologize to all the ladies here. But after being blindsided and burned the way I was, when I thought all was great, my faith has been seriously shaken. It's going to take awhile to get that back.
For now I'm just spending a lot of time with my little pooch. (2yo female Beagle) Damn thankful for her. I think I would have had a complete meltdown without her. I know that you will all agree, the pets know. And it amazes me how affectionate she has been lately. She knows that I'm not at my best right now, and she has been a wonderful companion.
Besides, could you look at this face and still be sad?
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Welcome to the divorced guy's club. :( I hope she takes it easy on you. Good luck.
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It's a BIG club...my second worked out much, much better. Just keep your chin up and don't be angry. Good luck.
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Scratch that adorable Sadie behind the ears for me. I'm really glad that she is there for you.
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At least you have 1 bitch you can depend on. ;D
Hey Kid, should I grab more cheez whiz on my way to the corner ? ;D
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JC, I'm late to this thread, but I hate to hear that you had to go through this.
I've never been through a divorce, so I can't offer advice from the 'been there' side of things. All I can say is not to focus on the past or negatives, and to keep your head up while you head down a different path in the future.
Just remember that even though all of us on here don't live close to each other, we are a family and you are not alone.
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Late as well JC, sorry to hear about the whole situation. As a man with an ex-wife, all I can say is what others that have been there have posted.
It's not easy, but it does get better. It really does. You will absolutely get through this.
As Peg posted, you are not alone here.
TW
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Late here, too, JC. Never been down that road either, but have a wife that has. And I remember her in her "all men are assholes" phase. There is no hurry with anything. No schedules that must be kept. Keep your chin up, cuddle with Sadie as much as possible, and keep looking UP!!
You're in my thoughts and prayers, dude.
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Again, thank you guys so much for the support. More than anything its a comfort to know that I have people like you out there. I know that I haven't been a member here for too long. But I have come to look at you guys as my friends. And one of the lessons learned here is that you can never have too many friends.
Thanks guys. You have helped me to get through another day. I know that I may not yet be able to see it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just as with any injury, time will heal, and I will recover. Especially with the support of people like you.
Thanks.
Jason
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Ditto what everyone said.....
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Jason................( you KNEW the mother hen would step in here before long , didn't you?) :)
I have about a million things I want to talk to you about and could and will talk to you about if you have the need. You can call me day or night or email me with anything you want to...I'm here for you. We can talk about anything ..Nothing shocks me.. and even though I am not proud of some of the things I have done.. The things I have experienced where marriages is concerned.... well..... It's a lot!
I don't know how old you are, but I get a feeling you are around my boys ages. 29-36...
( No one knows this on here.. but Danny, my oldest just got a divorce after 13 years) It was finalized 2 weeks ago. Long story.. but outcome is the same. He told me the other day that without having me to talk to .. and to show him "how women react and think " in these situations, he would have gone crazy and handled it in a wrong manner. It was a 7 day divorce, no dragging out in the courts and lawyers..and he is doing good. I'm proud of the way he has handled things..and the best is .. he is proud of the way he has handled things and he can see that he will be a better man for it. So once again.. if you need me.. I'm here for you.
I have been through divorce 3 times. (Obviously Marshal hasn't been given the notice yet..so there is still hope for him that the Vampire hasn't decided to bite yet. ;D )
Each one was my doing...and my decision to leave. Each one made me hurt and sad in different ways. It was an ending ..but also a rebirth and a beginning. The "not seeing it coming" part is literally amazing to most women.. but very normal for a lot of men. So don't beat yourself or her up over that part. It's wasted energy.
I'm sure you have talked at length with each other about everything. If you haven't..you need to!
If you have... you will have learned what maybe you both did to bring it to the end. And I say BOTH.. It takes both being aware of the other one..to make it good..and both to move it towards an ending in a friendly and nice way and be better people for it .
You BOTH will have learned a lot from this 4 years. Take away with you the positive. Try not to judge other women by what happened here.. but learn what you need to watch for and what you like and don't like (using these last few years as a guide, so to speak) when it comes to women. You will be smarter and more on your toes the next time you date someone... and better able to appreciate who you are in accordance to what you want. Don't settle for 2nd best...and don't hesitate to date around until you find it. It might be a few years..but she is out there..possibly going through her own growing stages and preparing like you... for that special someone. It's not an "IF".. it is only "WHEN" ..and it will happen ..not when you want it to.. but when it is supposed to.. :)
You will hurt for awhile. You will go through some times where you think that there is no way to get away from the hurt..and the anger and the feeling that you have been taken for a blind fool.. Everyone of us that has been through a divorce looks back and sees things that we should have done or shouldn't have done and feels mad at ourselves for being an idiot...and not being able to 'see it at the time" . Forgive yourself... Forgive her... and prepare to move forward.
You will heal. You will slowly wake up each day and without knowing it.. be better and better.
The key . ( and this is the big one) ...is to understand that we have people come into our lives sometimes for a certain amount of time for a certain reason. It is planned! We are not just thrown down here on Earth flying by the seat of our pants like a bedraggled raggedy tail on a kite, whipping this way and that way with no plan. We each have a very intricate map that is intertwined with many many people. Some are with us for the duration.. others for a short time and still others we haven't met yet . But each person who connects with us ( even for the shortest time ) has a purpose in our life. And our purpose in their life has a definite purpose also. They are all learning lessons .. whether it would be to allow us to feel happiness, sadness, grief, anger, giving, taking, calmness, excitement...the list is absolutely endless. ..
Our Earth Time is literally just a great big school system. We get to graduate ( and go home to the other side) only when our Road map of lessons has been completed this time.
The emotions and human feelings that we need to experience comes in many forms and from many people.
You need to feel all the emotions that your body is telling you to feel. Let them come.. Don't hold back. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself.. to cry.. to cuss.. to scream.. to get mad... to sit and stare at the wall... to shut down for awhile.. Do it! But don't wallow it in! Get get back up.. and with a little bit of renewed strength..move forward with a clearer head. To let it all out is a purging and a cleansing to your soul's growth. You will find it will happen less and less as time goes on.
I'm so sorry you have to hurt and go through this. I know how sometimes your heart hurts so bad you wonder why it doesn't break.. And you think WHY..does this happen and WHAT good can come out of this.. WHY do I have to go through this....WHY WHY WHY~~~ Everything you are feeling , has been felt a bazillion times from others who have gone through it. Each is different.. but yet each is the same.
Please just take baby steps... each day you will get stronger.. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you that there will be happiness again..and trust and love.
We are all here.........................for you to talk with.. cry with... and share with.
Privately you can call us ......... publicly in the forum..you can talk to us.... you have a lot of friends who really DO care that you make it though this with a happy head and a healed positive heart. You are not alone...
My e-mail is teresalaptop@cascity.com ............ my home phone number is 620-374-2093 my mobile is 620-249-2681
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Very touching post M'lette and we are all glad you care. BUT delet the phone and email. Too many idiots read boards like this. :-\
FQ13
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Very touching post M'lette and we are all glad you care. BUT delet the phone and email. Too many idiots read boards like this. :-\
FQ13
Not to worry, FQ. The biggest idiot (me) already had her phone numbers. ;D
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Not to worry, FQ. The biggest idiot (me) already had her phone numbers. ;D
And this reassures me how? ;D
FQ13
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Not to worry, FQ. The biggest idiot (me) already had her phone numbers. ;D
I beg to differ! Have YOU called M'ette at 2 in the morning?
;D
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FQ.. you can Google me..and get all that information. its public knowledge,.
And besides.. would YOU want to cross a wild unpredictable blond who can ~~with one move , make you sing like a girl... and shoot your ears off at 30 paces?
I'm alright.. but thanks for worrying anyway. ( It's nice) :-*
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FQ.. you can Google me..and get all that information. its public knowledge,.
And besides.. would YOU want to cross a wild unpredictable blond who can ~~with one move , make you sing like a girl... and shoot your ears off at 30 paces?
I'm alright.. but thanks for worrying anyway. ( It's nice) :-*
It's not shooting his EARS off he has to worry about.
If I can find the link to your little hunting story I will PM it to him ;D
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It's not shooting his EARS off he has to worry about.
If I can find the link to your little hunting story I will PM it to him ;D
I believe I recall the story about the scrotum-less buck and a certain sharpshooting blonde young thang!
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(http://www.rightnation.us/forums/style_emoticons/default/holysheep.gif) We are off topic .... .AGAIN!!
My god.. can we drift at the drop of a hat or what!~~~
( I'm as bad as the rest of you....**and I'm not bad at anything ;)**)
This thread is about helping Jason................
Lets Pluuueeeese try ( at least on this one ) to get
(http://www.rightnation.us/forums/style_emoticons/default/back2topic.gif)
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I beg to differ! Have YOU called M'ette at 2 in the morning?
;D
Point taken, Haz. You ARE the King!! ;D
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(http://www.rightnation.us/forums/style_emoticons/default/holysheep.gif) We are off topic .... .AGAIN!!
My god.. can we drift at the drop of a hat or what!~~~
( I'm as bad as the rest of you....**and I'm not bad at anything ;)**)
This thread is about helping Jason................
Lets Pluuueeeese try ( at least on this one ) to get
(http://www.rightnation.us/forums/style_emoticons/default/back2topic.gif)
No big deal M'ette. These little side trips get fun, and certainly help take my mind off things. Whenever it happens I always laugh. We go off on the wildest tangents around here. Kinda reminds you of Thanksgiving dinner. All the family gathered around and you can't keep a topic of discussion for more than (maybe) three people. Then someone throws in their two cents and blamo! Off on on a new topic again.
Thank you for your kind words M'ette. I know things will turn out. I sort of agree with you on the road map. I personally believe that our path is determined by our choices. It just stinks when you can't see what the outcome of those choices may be, or in my case, when the choice wasn't yours. It just goes to prove your point that we are all connected in this world.