New Golfing Laws

[philw]

New Golfing Laws
 
The Government acknowledges the danger Golf Clubs pose to the community and wishes to reduce harm by these deadly weapons, therefore we will be bringing in new legislation to protect the public.
 
Starting next month we will be introducing a Golfers Licence and Golf Club registration system.
 
Members of the public who wish to apply for a Golphers Licence must join an approved Golf Club, after providing 2 character references from people who are not relatives and have known you for more than twelve months. The applicants must consent to a police background check and pay the annual fee nominated by your club.
 
Applicants must complete an approved Golfing Safety Course at their own cost, and be a member of a club for at least 6 months before applying for their Golfing Licence. During this time they are obviously not allowed to own their own clubs.
 
Applicants must also meet the required storage requirements for golf clubs, which is a solid steel container that is bolted to the structural framework of a building (good luck getting that one past your landlord) or a solid steel container weighing more than 150kg. If the licence application is successful this storage facility will be regularly inspected by police. Licenced Golfers must store all golf balls seperate to their golf clubs. Any person caught storing golf balls with their golf clubs will be charged with an offence and have their licence revoked.
 
On submitting all the relevant documents to the licencing dept applicants must also provide fees of $79 for the application and $210 for the five year licence.
 
If the applicant is successful in their licence application they will be allowed to apply for a permit to aquire a Golf Club. As the new golf club registration system will cost money to administer there will be a fee of approximately $20 for each permit application. If the Golfer wishes to buy a club from another Golfer rather than a licenced golf club dealer they must have the sale brokered through a dealer and pay the dealer a fee. These permits are expected to take approximately 6 weeks to process, this 6 weeks will not be included in the mandatory 28 day cooling off period, therefore Golfers can select a club they wish to purchase and be golfing with it within 8 months.
 
In the first 12 months of having a Golfers licence, the Golfer is permitted to own 1 putter (cat A) and 1 wedge (cat B) or 1 putter (cat A) and 1 iron (cat C). A wood will be considered a prohibited club and must be sold back to the government for a price the government has nominated.
 
In order to maintain their Golfers Licence, Golfers must complete a minimum of six club attendances per year, these attendances must all be competitions organised by your club. Golfers who hold more than 1 category of club must complete at least four club attendances per category of club they own, at least six attendances must be competitions organised by you club the remainder may be practice sessions. Golfers who fail to meet the required number of attendances per year will be asked to show cause why their licence should not be cancelled and their clubs confiscated by police.
 
The new legislation will also place a maximum on the number of balls that may be stored in a ball bucket at any 1 time. Ball buckets must be of a size so as not to allow more than 10 balls to be hit before refilling the bucket. Golfers are reminded that these changes are to make the community safer and not to inconvenience golfers.
 
 
 
 
 
 
If this all sounds a bit rediculous to you, spare a thought for the countrys' licenced shooters who jump through more hoops than a circus dog to enjoy their sport and only get a good headline when they win an Olympic Gold Medal

[MikeBjerum]

Please tell me this is the spoof it appears to be!!!

I would just take it as a joke and not ask, but the world has gotten so whacky that I fear it could be true 

[tt11758]

Please tell me this is the spoof it appears to be!!!

I would just take it as a joke and not ask, but the world has gotten so whacky that I fear it could be true 

What he ^ said.

[Majer]

I used this very argument against an anti gun co-worker that golfed one time.It was right after someone was beaten with a golf club. He was livid that the Gov/t would try to take his golf clubs away,. I told him it was because people were using them as weapons and besides, Why would you need your clubs at your house, You can't use them there. He started whining and I then told him to replace the words "golf clubs" with guns. You could see the epiphany come over him, He still disliked guns, but understood why I'm against any more gun laws

[twyacht]

I defer to Col. Jeff Cooper, "A Golf Course Is a Perfectly Good Waste Of A Decent Rifle Range"....

[Sponsor]

[Solus]

Laws against carrying golf clubs might be the next thing.

I was talking to a CCW requirement course instructor the other day and  he mentioned that in Cincinnati, folks have taken to carrying golf clubs and ski poles as self defense weapons.

All it might take is for some politician to realize that all those toting golf clubs aren't good honest Yuppies, but instead are evil Self Protectionists hell bent on not being victims. 

[Harmony Hermit]

Golf was invented by the Scots after they were disarmed by the English so they could own clubs to use as a weapon!

[philw]

I used this very argument against an anti gun co-worker that golfed one time.

that's it

just use this or change it with bike riding / fishing what ever  to get your point across