I wish to give you a little bit of information for those of you that are not aware of a terrible affliction that affects many men yet hardly any talk about it in the open.
That affliction is called RUGRATITIS.
It’s a long term disease and in many cases it can go on for years although usually doesn’t exceed 12-14 years.
What is RUGRATITIS:
Rugratitis is the inability of an individual to go to sleep, stay asleep or a combination of both aspects of sleeplessness. Rugratitis is, in its simplest form, a fairly common condition experienced by a multitude of mainly men. When defining Rugratitis it is important to remember that Rugratitis is not measured in terms of actual hours spent sleeping, but whether the person feels refreshed and renewed following their night’s sleep.
When endeavouring to ascertain whether a person is experiencing Rugratitis or not, it is important to recognize some of the symptoms of Rugratitis. Some of the symptoms of Rugratitis can be demonstrated as it takes its toll on the body, mind and the emotions.
The Physical Body
The health of the physical body is contingent upon a number of factors. Some of those factors include a proper diet (good quality Beer), exercise (lots shooting) and proper hygiene (least important facor). Another important factor in maintaining the health of the human body is by obtaining a proper night’s sleep AKA Rugratitis
When a person is experiencing Rugratitis this condition disrupts the renewing effects that gaining a proper night’s sleep has on the physical body. Therefore, some of the symptoms of Rugratitis can include fatigue, headaches, flatulence, nausea and, in some severe cases, can lead to heart problems.
The Mind
Other symptoms of Rugratitis can include its effects on the mind. When the proper rest is not achieved there can be a corresponding detrimental effect on the mind’s ability to react, respond, think, etc. This adverse symptom of Rugratitis can be a dangerous situation when trying to function at work, drive a vehicle or lie to the missus about the new purchase of a firearm.
The Emotions
Additional symptoms of Rugratitis can be the affect that the lack of sleep can have on the emotions. The lack of a proper night’s sleep can cause stress, depression, anxiety and uncontrollable slurred sobbing to your loved one, phrases like “I love you babe”, “I promise I will never touch another drop again”, “she aint got noting on you” and “make it all stop” are all too common. In addition, a symptom of Rugratitis can cause substantial mood swings in the life of the Rugratitee. All of these symptoms of Rugratitis can cause additional stress in the life of the individual as well as spill over to those closest around them.
The Cure
Unfotunately there is no known cure at present although many experts believe that Boarding Schools, strong locks and shackles can offer the best hope and results. In most cases Rugratitis will continue on until the Rugrat reaches a certain level of maturity, which can be hastened or decreased depending on the help/hindrance of the Rugratitee’s partner.
I have pictured a recent example of Rugratitis to demonstrate the seriousness of this affliction, the names and faces of this DTRV member have been blurred to protect their identity but unfortunately I can not change their fascination with all things pink and fairy like.
Scenario: Extreme Alcoholic Consumption
Where: Oktoberfest
Reason: Immaterial
The Scene: After a late night out celebrating and indulging of different types of beer ( i.e. Research and development meeting) Mr X as we will call him found himself cuddled up on the sofa under a soft pink, frilly doonas, trying to let his ravaged body recover. When all of a sudden with the encouragement of his cruel partner he was set upon by the Rugrat. You can bet the Rugratitee did not imagine this would happen in his own home when head hit the cushion in the wee hours of this morning. A trap that we as all potential Rugratitee victims should be aware of.
You Have Been Warned.
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