Our Brothers With PTSD

[Texas_Bryan]

Hi team,

I got to thinking about this today when I met a five year Army vet, who goes to school in the same office building that I work in.  Real nice guy, was glad to talk, about work, school, and he plays the game I currently work on.  Then I gave him some advise about getting into my industry, which was in regards to the pursuit of education.  Eventually he brought up that his GI benefits paid for nearly all his school, and we chatted about his time in the military.  Turns out he is disabled with PTSD, and as soon as he brought that up, a wild, unmeasured, nervousness came about him.  Normal guy a second ago, now can not stop stammering, I felt so bad that I had help to lead the conversation down that road.  Clearly in a social situation, he was horrible uncomfortable to have brought that information to light.  I parted his company telling him thank you for his service.

I've known a couple folks with the PTSD, they were some close friends though, so they weren't at all uneasy discussing it, though I never pry, I appreciate people wanting to keep things to themselves should they want to, I know that I do.

You guys know the sensitive way to navigate the issue of PTSD with service men and women, specially those that are not personally know to you?  A lot of vets go to school in our work building, a little insight into the issue would be great.

[tombogan03884]

I referred it to some one who can answer. but it may be a while.

[kmitch200]

I'm far from an expert at these types of things so with that in mind...

I approach these things like talking to a woman who was raped or molested in some way.
I tell them that I don't know the 'right' words to say, never having been in their shoes. Without ANY judgment on my part, if they want to talk about it, they can.
It leaves them the option to bring it up or not. Sometimes it's too traumatic for them to discuss, some like the opportunity to vent, scream, cry, whatever.

[twyacht]

Tough for a person, not being what they went through, to find anything supportive or comforting to say. With that said, I have to believe that if he is actively involved and supported in fellowship with Veterans, i.e. VFW, VA support groups of fellow comrades, there can be a light at the end of the tunnel that can help, if he wants it.

Find a WWII, Korean War, Vietnam group gathering, something to let him interact with those that can at least say, "Been there, done that"...There is moving forward, and a country that respects and appreciates his sacrifice and service to Our Nation.

I found taking a friend who was a Gulf War I Veteran,  that I went to college with, to a local Antique Military Gunshow made him smile. Seeing him with the "old timers" with their scrambled egg hats on, discussing M1 Carbines, and old 1911's, crappy M16's, and lousy chow, made him smile.

As TomB posted, it may take time, however, there can be progress. God Bless Him, and continue to be there for him.

[Ksail101]

Hey I am sorry I havent been on for a while. I thought, as I am someone, with service connected disability for combat inflicted PTSD. The best way to navigate around the issue for me is never ask. If the person decides they are ready to tell you about it they will. Don't ask questions unless the person opens up about it. And then never ask what gave them, one specific instance or instances made them have ptsd.

Also something that is always helpful if someone tells you this is not to be shocked or look at them like they are crazy. Be understanding most people with PTSD got it from a situation that would most likely affect you. So say something to them to make them comfortable like " You know man its alright I'd feel the same way if I had those experiences."

It is a touchy subject and the biggest thing for me is I feel crazy and alone. So when someone makes me feel different like I am not alone and people understand I feel better. I know this isnt everything but its a start. PTSD, nightmares, and all the other shit is one more thing that the person has sacrificed for the greater good (whatever that is). I have been thanked for my service. But there are many that havent been. So I dont care if the person is a Vietnam Vet that hasnt served in 30+years or a recent Vet thank them.

And with all that said someone, and I love when people do this it happens all the time, with PTSD (combat related) most likely has done some hairy shit. And so when you decide to push his buttons, even if it is to just get a reaction cause your being an asshole, realize sooner or later your going to get one, and most likely that person will know ways to hurt you that you never dreamed of. LOL. Just food for thought for all you paper pushers who like to try and ruin someones life by trying to prove or show people around you that the person with PTSD is "crazy" or shouldn't be allowed to work with "civilized" people. Or you feel like you want to be in charge. (thats my rant)

[Sponsor]

[Steve Cover]

Tough question.

1st off, my qualifications to respond.



Just another day in paradise
Lost my Pilot.... WO1 Brown.

Unfortunately, just one of many.  Door gunners lasted a couple of weeks..

After two very violent tours in Vietnam, I am 100% disabled for PTSD.

It ain't fun!

So, as to your question.

The most important thing is to understand what PTSD isn't....
According to the left wing pricks in Hollywood, PTSD makes a person grab an AK47 and head for a school yard.

This just isn't so.

PTSD is a very deep rooted subconscious fear reflex.  People with PTSD are hyper alert, tend to avoid crowds and startle at sudden noises.

Different people react to this differently.  Some see it as a sign of weakness, others have a very deep seated survivor guilt complex for surviving where their friends didn.t 

All of us have learned that it doesn't do any good to attempt to tell non-combat experienced people about it.  They just don't have a point of reference and blow it off as a BS war story, or just simply can't understand.  So, we tend not to talk about it.

Let me try to explain....

Have you ever lost a loved pet when you were a child?  Maybe hit by a car or it just got old and died.

Remember how you felt at the time.... Now, play that emotion over and over and over, once or twice a week for a year!
Only, these loses are not pets, but friends and comrades who you trust with your life and have them trust you with theirs... But, they are killed anyway...

How come you are still alive?  Is the next bullet going to take you?

These same people are the ones who stood up and covered every inch ground where they were, no matter what, so that their brothers in arms could live.  Terrified? ... probably... But able to function and do whatever was necessary.  And still their brothers died...

Some turned to drugs, some to religion, some just ate a bullet.

To Home, To Home.... Only to find their girl didn't wait, and the airheads from the college think they are baby killing murderers.

Interesting perspective isn't it?

Naturally, PTSD is much deeper rooted than that, and much more complicated.

However, as you can see, if you haven't been there, you just can't relate no matter how much you want to.

So, unless he (or she... there are a lot of nurses out there who lost several patients every day, no matter how hard she tried to save them...) brings it up, don't ask. 

If they do talk about it, remember to let them do the talking, and don't say you understand.
You Don't.

Hope this helps,

Best Wishes.

Steve
 

[seeker_two]

How should you treat him?....same way you'd treat anyone else. If he doesn't talk about it with you, don't bring it up. If he does, be a good listener and withold any judgement. Be a good neighbor and a good friend. He didn't stop being human the day he came home from the war.

[Steve Cover]

How should you treat him?....same way you'd treat anyone else. If he doesn't talk about it with you, don't bring it up. If he does, be a good listener and withold any judgement. Be a good neighbor and a good friend. He didn't stop being human the day he came home from the war.

+1
Let me enhance a caveat mentioned by an earlier poster:  Men and women who have PTSD did not get that way by being a backwater clerk typist.  They were exposed to intolerable levels of emotional and physical violence until they broke.

These are good people... They now are suffering (for real) the results of their experiences.  All the Vets that I know who have PTSD are for the most part passive.  They have experienced way too much violence in their life already.  They have no desire for any more.
 
(Any aggressive asshole who claims to have PTSD is a poser, trying to wear the PTSD badge as a sign of being a bad ass.)

So, a person who suffers with PTSD will appear to be a good target for a bully. 

Big Mistake!!!!

By definition, he didn't get to be that way from being a coward and running, he stood his ground and took the best that was thrown at him.  As such, he probably does have the skills and reflexes to deal with a violent aggressive confrontation, and a background where there was no restraint. He will put up with a limited amount of being pushed around because he really doesn't want to fight.

In short, he will not attack anyone, but if attacked, would be a very dangerous person to deal with.

How does this relate to you?  You might consider interceding in his behalf where someone is getting a bit pushy.  He will appreciate it that you have both shown that you "have his back" (A very powerful cliché in a true combat scenario. Lives literally depended on it.), and are protecting him from having to deal out more violence himself.

Sounds foolish to the uninitiated, but true..

The reciprocal is also true.  When confronted with someone else being physically attacked, it is the passive guy with PTSD who will most likely be the first to one to come to someone's aid.

Sorry for the long winded rant, but having PTSD and seeing all the misinformation being thrown at the American people about PTSD really bothers me.

We aren't something special, but we do have our private demons to deal with.  Treat us as like anyone else.

Steve

[Timothy]

Steve or Mr. C...

First....thank you for your service to this country and your sacrifice. 

Secondly, thank you for your insight, experience and understanding that we, though some are Vets, don't truly understand what you and these brave souls are suffering.

Tim

[tombogan03884]

Sounds like Mr. C has it a bit wrong on one point, These are not folks who "Took all that was thrown at them till they broke".
It sounds more like they took more than they could stand but were not able to gain the release of breaking.
Instead of screaming, crying, or any other form of "breaking", they just took more, and now are paying the price.
We owe them, they were between us and the dark.