« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2012, 02:50:34 PM »
kind of like sitting down in wet grass
I only remember feeling that I was running ways from a fire reaching between my legs, I don't remember the fall into cement, I don't remember landing arse first into the water butt, I do remember being lifted out of the water and screaming to be put back in.
I don't claim to be a clever person but can you imaging my surprise when after counting to 200 i felt a burning desire to rip off my plums and place them in liquid nitrogen.
The first mistake was letting the missus get involved in the process. She joined me in the shower with the tube of Veet, put a liberal amount in her hand and proceeded to cover not only my pubis overgrowth but also my nads and old boy. Five minutes later I was in complete agony and experiencing a burning sensation that could not have been worse had I fired up the wok-ring on the gas hob and lowered myself slowly onto it.
The chemical reaction was akin to a weapons test using thermite and my once glorious topiary slid off in one clean section, burnt through the floor and into my living room where my unsuspecting wife thought she was being attacked by a smouldering ferret.
And the grand winner:3 hours 45 minutes later I decided to get up off the landing carpet, go shower and inspect the results... balanced on one leg in the shower holding a shaving mirror between my legs, and pushing my throbbing nads to one side with the toilet brush, I could see what I can only describe as a Gollum's head tortured and battered by a Taliban interrogation unit, peering up at me through a single screwed up puffy eye, looking pretty sorry for itself. On closer inspection my two previously furry love-eggs had absconded deep into my body for protection leaving my somewhat forlorn looking scrotum hanging there, like a pelican's over-filled neck pouch which had been flogged with a barbed wire paddle.
This is priceless stuff right here, I tell ya what......
Logged
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo
For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison
"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg
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